Lets talk about how irritated I am right now. I had made tentative plans with some friends that I hadn't seen in a while. Well Shawna calls me and asks if I want to go bowling. I thought about it and since I have things to do early tomorrow morning it fit my schedule a lot better than my previous plans, so I decided to go with her. She was like cool, let me call a few other people and see if they want to come and I'll call you back and give you the details. So my friends called me and I told them that I was going out with Shawna and totally cancelled on them. Well... Guess what... She never called. This is the second time in our friendship she's done this. It really pisses me off. To me it's not a very "best friend" thing to do. Hmm... Sometimes I think that I'm giving a lot more than I'm getting out of this friendship. She seems to only want to be my friend when she needs or wants something. The last time I talked to her she wanted me to take her to Butler shopping. Then today I just know that I was another means of financial gain to pay for the lanes at the alley. Which isn't a big deal but it becomes one when that's the reason I was invited. I've noticed this about our friendship quite some time ago but failed to bring it up to her during our last "heart to Shawna" conversations. I figured I was just being weird but I wasn't. She never seems to want to take any blame for our friendship being on the fritz but in reality most of it does fall on her. I'm the one always calling her just to get a can I call you back? Or I'll leave a message for her to call me and nothing... So do I need to face the reality that our friendship is ending? I don't want to, I'm not ready. Our friendship wasn't supposed to end ever, let-alone end like this. I can't pour out my heart to her anymore in one of those "save the friendship" talks. It seems to me that if you are at a point in any relationship that you need to have a "saving" talk then it's over and the people involved should throw in the towel. It's hard for me, tho, because of all the time, energy and emotions that I put into any form of a relationship/friendship that I have. I know Shawna's the same way, so maybe that's the only reason our friendship hasn't crumbled down around us yet, even tho it's cracked the whole way thru. I think from this point on I'm not going to make any effort to see if she makes any and see how much value she places on someone she calls her sole mate.

Since I cancelled my plans and Shawna never called me back I ended up spending the entire day at home. All dressed up with no where to go. :( Some good did come of today, tho. I worked ahead in all my classes. I figured since I had some time do some work now and save some time later for when I may not have it.

My sister and her husband left Thursday night. They decided to spend a few days at his parents. They'll be back Monday but that's ok because I'm leaving tomorrow and not returning til Thursday. YAY!! I need a vacation. The kitchen remodeling is almost complete thus begins the bathroom work. Woohoo.

I've been thinking that I spend a lot of time in front of a computer, whether it be for class or amusement, mainly class. Even during some of my classes I'm sitting at a computer. Anyway... My point being that I really need to break away before I become any more brain stale than I already am. I need to get out and get some physical activities going on to get my body in better shape. I've been working out but tomorrow it goes full force.

and that's all she wrote. Today was ok but tonight was irritating. 1 star