Well I made it to class today. Fun times, fun times. I've decided that I absolutely hate my history class. The professor is just a complete idiot. He's so passionate about history. Generally it's a good thing to like your job but it;s to the point where he's willing to risk life and limb to teach therefore having us risk the same to get to a class where no one understands what's going on. I have a feeling not to many people are going to pass his class.

Today flew right by. In psych class I was feeling like a social butterfly but after I got home I just wanted to be left alone. I don't feel like being bothered with people tonight. I just want to be anti-social. I'm not sure why. So many things could have a possible cause.

One thing that bothers me the most is when the people that are supposed to care the most about you are the ones who are bringing you down. For instance in the case of John and I. He insisted that he was better then I. Of course he never had the guts to say it to my face but he told his friends. How could one claim to care so much and fight to hold onto someone that is 'so much lower?'

Fear has crept back into my life. Fear of being hurt and hurting others. I'm not sure where I'll be by the end of this year but I have a huge suspicion that it's not going to be anywhere near where I want to be and not with anyone that I want there. As my friendship with Shawna is back on the incline my relationship with everyone else (including my family) seems to be diminishing. There is no correlation with the two, just a coincidence. Losing any relationship would be devastating. I dunno... my minds to much of a whirl to make sense of any thought.

and that's all she wrote. Today was a rollercoaster of emotions. No stars assigned.