I slacked for two days after I promised I wouldn't but I can honestly say that not much happened in those days (in means of actual events) that were worth mentioning anyway. I didn't post Sunday night because I had passed out literally. I woke up in the middle of the night in my clothes across my bed with my contacts in and laying on the phone. As for last night I had other stuff on my mind. I had a thought yesterday. I guess it was more of a sad realization that really isn't reality. I've grown up with people (family, peers, strangers) telling me that I'm a second rate human being and that I'm not worth much more than the common trailer trash that one could find in any suburban Pennsylvania town. Well for some reason, I'm not entirely sure of the actual events or thought process that led up to it, but for some reason, I bought into yesterday. I can't let them win. I will not live down to their expectations because then I won't be any better than them (who are the ones who really aren't worth the earth they walk upon). Yet they have a point. Dreams don't come true for people like me (who's lost everything) unless someone (like Oprah or Ellen) takes pity and gives charity but I don't accept charity and will achieve my goals on my own to help other's achieve their dreams.

Today wasn't much more exciting that a day of neutering your pet. I went to classes and came home. During my Human Lit class however I performed my Yoko Ono piece (it's written at the end of the post). During this performance and my watching a few other performances some deep thoughts did happen to cross my mind. It's kind of amazing how something so simple as some of these pieces end up being a universe full of profound thoughts. During my performance I was allowed to look into people and see them. I was able to realize some people's true beauty or lack of. It allowed me to the parts of themselves they are self conscientious about. It's said that the eyes are the window to the soul. As we gaze into the mirror it's easy for us to see that cliche as being true due to the fact that we are able to see ourselves (on the inside) but only because we know who we truly are. Now take that same appreciative and inquisitive searching and gazing and look into the eyes of a stranger for just a few moments. Yet a problem exists and that's the problem of allowing yourself to be so open to see within them. As easy or as stupid as it seems, it isn't.



Mirror Piece

Instead of obtaining a mirror,
obtain a person.
Look into him.
Use different people.
Old, young, fat, small, etc.

1964 Spring; Yoko Ono