Why?
No obstacles fell in his way that seemed to him insurmountable. He might be defeated, as he sometimes was, but he shrank from no hardship through impatience, he fled from no danger through cowardice.- J. P. Morgan writing about Napoleon BonaparteLife here in Disney World isn't as exciting as one might think it would be. Trust me. True there is always something to do but not always someone to do it with and the few people who are available aren't worth the effort. It's amazing how fickle people can be and this includes myself, but I'm talking about the pointlessness that these people let run their lives.
There are other reasons why living here is a bit rough but that comes from being on the College Program and originally being 1300 miles north. These problems include the lack of communication that takes place. I have spoken with several people, here, that are from PA, and they all seem to have the same problems and concerns that I have about the communication situation with home. Something that people don't understand is that we are living in a whole new world (weather, people, attitude, culture, etc...) and with little or no comforts from home. The phone time we have with our loved ones are important times and keep us going. Those times are a release. When we are unable to talk to home and those we love then we feel lost and left out. It's hard to explain the exactness of the feelings that arise.
I've chatted with Daniel a few times online just to fight. I hate fighting with him. It drives me crazy especially since he doesn't seem to understand anything that I am feeling. He makes me feel so... so... I don't know... I just feel down and out. Especially since nothing ever seems to get resolved and when that happens I can't sleep and have trouble functioning. I'm not sure he fully understands what he means to me and how much our relationship is worth to me. The thought of coming home to him is the one thing that keeps me going. If I come to the conclusion that our relationship isn't going to make it thru this then I'm going to self-terminate and come home early. He means more to me than anything else. The only other people in my life that means that much would me my mother and best friend. With out him I feel so empty. The time he's spending in West Virginia with that boy makes me feel a little uncomfortable. It would be much easier for him to move on because the people he meets are stationary where as the people I meet are from the other side of the globe and would be completely stupid of me to even consider something so stupid. My intentions are not to attack him because that's not what I'm trying to do. I just worry that's all and yes I do get jealous but that's a good thing, right? It shows that I still genuinely care. But I'm sure it'll all be taken the wrong way. =( My feelings, thoughts and words are often misinterpreted. People just don't understand me and it upsets me.
I came here with hopes of having a good time but I feel like I'm being robbed of this because of all the drama that I have going on back home. I hate the fact that I came here to get away and have a vacation but some of the drama that I was trying to avoid followed me and more was created. Why does life need to be so dramatic? Why? Why can't I just have one more day of pure happiness? Why?
And my horoscope:As much as you might prefer smooth sailing, there's still some heavy weather to endure. Don't give up just yet; you're actually closer than you think. But keep to your original route instead of experimenting with untried shortcuts. This is no time for regrets. Perspective and reality are about to converge. What now seems like a burden will soon feel like a vindication. In the meantime, enter your safety margin. Conserve limited resources by keeping one eye on the clock and one foot on the brake. Others will be reassured as long as you remain calm.
posted by Dustin | 10:29 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home