Barenaked Ladies

Nothing will sustain you more potently than the power to recognize in your humdrum routine, as perhaps it may be thought, the true poetry of life. -Sir William Osler

"It's been one week since you looked at me..." Wow - has it really been a week since I've last posted. Where did the time go?

The past week has gone much like most of my time. Work, work, work and then a moment to myself. Not that I minded being busy because it helped keep my mind off of home and issues of home. Talking to people here - or anyone for that matter - just doesn't feel right. It doesn't seem that could/would understand. I don't see how. My situation so unique. The only advice anyone could possibly give me is based off of the "I can only imagine factor". Not that they don't have their issues back home and not that they couldn't understand my wanting to leave but they couldn't fully understand the situation and my feelings.

I would love to return to Disney World but would also love to just stay at home. Again, I'm lost. Lost - it's just the only word I can think of to use to describe how I feel. Lost in my mind. Lost in my emotions. Lost in my thoughts. Lost in my fears. Lost in my hopes. Not having Shawna with me in FL has been rough. Not talking to her on a regular basis has been even harder. There have been times that I truly needed a best friend and her off on her own "adventures" in OH. With the both of us being so busy it just made it impossible to be able to keep in touch as well as we would have liked. The past week or two though it's come up a notch or two. I think once I'm able to fully talk freely about everything, to someone who can make a better assessment based on their knowledge of myself and situation, then my decision to stay, to go, to return... would be much easier to make. Talking and hanging out with Casey has been slightly therapeutic for me. I've opened up to him. He just made it so easy or was it that I am feeling so lonely and distressed that the company of pleasant person just crumbled my walls? I've said before that I think one of the worst feelings in the world is loneliness when you surrounded by thousands of people. It's one thing when you're truly alone but another when you're far from it. Not be able to feel a connection with one person.

It makes me think that something is wrong - with me. People usually seem to love me for a while but always seem to drift away. Or is it me who drifts? I can see myself pushing people away. With my internal far of being hurt, again, by close friends, I am perfectly capable of self-destructing in my relationships with people.

...I need sleep and mental relaxation.