Home Sweet Home

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home." -Judy Garland (The Wizard of Oz)

The first post I've posted, and the only post I've posted since I got home was that about Ashley. I'm sure many of you are wondering why I've not posted anything else as I am sure that others are wondering why Ashley got a dedication and no body else has. What is going on with Dustin is the question that you're asking yourself (otherwise you wouldn't be reading my journal). Well here's your answer.

The night of January 3rd I spent the night in a hotel room with Natalia and Melanie because my flight didn't leave til the 4th and neither did Natalia's train. We asked Melanie to hang with us.

So we got up on the 4th and had some breakfast at the resort as I awaited the arrival of Brent. Brent was going to hang with me and take me to the airport when needed. The four of us then went to Downtown Disney to do some shopping and hang out. Natalia was the first to leave. Saying goodbye to her was hard. Hard. Thankfully she lives in NJ so I can see her on a regular basis. Melanie left shortly there after. And there I was - the lone Ranger. Brent then drove me to Chatham so that I could pick up my certificate of completion. Then it was off to the airport. It took me nearly 2 hours to get completely checked in and through security. On my way to my gate I ran into Hope, from Food & Wine. Her gate was next to mine so we sat and talked for a bit and tried to hunt down some gum somewhere in the airport (but like everywhere else in FL - none). My flight was delayed by an hour. I boarded the plain and we took off about 730. I sat next to a woman named Shane, who does business in Clarion. Very intelligent and great person. My flight arrived in Pittsburgh at about 1000-1030. It was a hike to the baggage claim. Daniel was there - irritated. He refused to look at me and didn't have much to say to me that wasn't bitchy or complaining. So for about 45 minutes I stood there and listened to him - when he spoke - because that's how long it took for the luggage to start arriving. So we were off. At about midnight we stopped so I could get him gas. Then to Wendy's. He asked if I wanted anything I declined because I can't eat Wendy's. He ordered anyway and I paid. And there we have it, my homecoming - MY birthday.

On our way to my house I asked him to briefly stop at The East Brady Look-Out. It's a beautiful look-out that over looks the Allegheny River and miles of rolling hills, trees and fields. It's my favorite place on Earth - especially at night. He was grumpy which took away from it. But the place holds so much sentimental value to me. Does it hold any value to him... it may... in a way it should, for one specific reason. From there it's 5 miles to my house. I walked in the front door. I hadn't told anyone I was coming home - so it was a surprise.

My homecoming had not been what I had thought it would be - what I hoped it would be. My arrival wasn't met with a warm welcome and a hug. Instead it was welcomed with a sour bitter face. Even on my birthday he couldn't muster up a smile and try to be nice to me, knowing how I feel about birthday's. (We had been through it the year before when I received nothing - not a gift, not a card. Instead I bought us dinner and a movie.) He told me that he doesn't consider birthday's to be that important or all that special, yet he's angry with me because I didn't come home for his birthday (he knew I couldn't). Well he ruined two of mine.

The Saturday after my arrival home my family was finally able to celebrate Christmas and open the presents that had been under the tree taunting them for weeks. Shawna had been invited. She's usually invited to a lot of the family events because over the course of our nearly 10 year friendship she's become part of the family. Daniel was also invited because he is/was/is part of the family. Daniel and Shawna aren't to find of each other. I try to stay out of it, but it's hard since I'm in the middle. However Shawna was on her best behavior and sucked it up so that my family could have a good holiday. Daniel, however, pouted and decided to become a recluse. Thus I spent most of my holiday in my bedroom with him trying to get him to come downstairs. Thus a holiday slightly ruined, because he went into his selfish and ungrateful mode.

Since then I've spent a lot of my time here at home. Not feeling the energy to become involved in anything that requires a commitment. So I've not year started back to work. I withdrew from my classes for the semester. I've not really made plans with any one. Not posting in my journal. I'm in a funk. I feel depressed. I'm sure it has something to do with the lack of sunlight (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Just as I'm sure it has to do with everything that's been going on since I got home. So much has happened and so much is going on. Stuff with me, my family, my mother, Shawna, friends... Daniel. I can feel myself slipping further into a state of depression. Do I miss FL? No. Do I miss the people? A lot of them. What I do miss is the happiness I had before I left... my old life. I made a huge mistake and now I'm paying the price as my life seems to be crashing down around me. I feel sick.