Choices

"A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one." ~Rita Mae Brown

"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ~Steven D. Woodhull

"Life is the sum of all your choices." ~Albert Camus

As I'm sure you've figured out this post is going to be about the choices that one must make in their life. The hard thing about making any decision isn't actually coming to a conclusion, for your heart will always make the right one for you, it's the actual execution of the decision you've made because your heart won't let you decide and your head just keeps on thinking. Most people try and avoid having to make decisions that put them in precarious situations with any decision they make. Yet, there comes a point in one's life when it's inevitable to have to make such a decision. I've come to one.

As the time approaches for me to leave the Walt Disney World Resort behind and head back home to Pennsylvania, it is becoming time for me to make many decisions. Of all the people I have met, while on my program here, I need to decide which one's are going to be worth my time and energy in trying to maintain friendships with. There are an obvious few but still some that aren't as clean cut. I need to take into factor our friendship here, time spent together, the bond achieved, any hurt involved, distance, and whether I think they'll put forth an equal share of commitment to friendship and the maintenance involved in keeping it.

As most people, who know me, are aware of I am not one to just give my friendship and get nothing in return. I'm not one to just be able to call someone a great friend. To me friendships are built and solidified. Trust comes into play with relationships of any kind and so my issues with trust come into play. I don't trust people easily. It used to be that I would trust people until they gave me a reason not to but now they need to give me a reason to trust them. I'm also not one to give of a friendship when I'm not feeling any reciprocation. I have high standards and I expect a lot. I don't expect all parties involved to give 50-50. I expect all parties to give it all they have, a 100-100 split.

That brings me to other choices I have. When I do finally make it home, I need to decide who there is worth it. What friendships am I willing to continue? What friendships survived the time and distance? Who kept in contact and who didn't? Who made an effort and who didn't? And why or why not? The reasons behind their decisions are just as important as the decision itself.

It's time to acknowledge that needs and wants are different. It's time to realize that life itself is a luxury not a necessity and everything/everyone in it is a greater luxury. The cruel reality that is the harshness called life does not require the services of other people to exist. It's come time to take a step back and look. We don't need people but rather want people to fill certain natural needs and wants that is human nature. So who is it that we think we need in our life and what is that we truly do require to be... just to be?

It may appear that I'm being melodramatic but I'm not. I've just grown more. Growing as a person - as an individual - is part of a person evolution into adulthood and maturity. Being able to realize when one needs to make a difficult choice and execute it in order to better themselves as a human being is essential. We should all want to be better people and the reality is that we all have friends who hinder us from progressing.

The time I spent on this program has changed me - changed me forever. It's changed everyone. Whether or not the changes are drastic or are subtle doesn't change the fact that a change has occurred. If anyone leaves this program without having learned a lesson of any kind then they made no attempt to experience this program. Not all the changes that have occurred within myself are good changes nor are all of them bad changes. That's when I need to do some contemplation and decide what about me needs re-changed and/or left as is. I need to figure out what lessons I've learned here and if they help me in my quest to evolve as a human being - as a person - an individual.

When we all leave Disney head back to our respective homes we will all have to face the fact that our existence is just that an existence. For example: I realize that when I left PA it didn't pause because Dustin's not there. It kept going - progressed and digressed. Changes have occurred there as well. Everything - places, things, ideas... people - have changed. It's the time we realize that life goes on without us. We'll be heading back and jumping right back into our lives. We'll be where we left off but nothing else will be.

I've also been given an ultimatum. I can either have a best friend or a significant other. I'm supposed to choose between two different types of happiness. How can I choose? Both people are from two totally different aspect of my life yet both are very close to me. I usually choose the person who didn't make me choose but this time I can't just base my decision on that aspect alone. So much is weighing on it, for my sake. I hate that I'm in this situation and resent the fact that I was put in it. I can either try and work things out with my best friend and hope that our friendship is able to heal and surpass the level it's been reduced to and be alone. Or I could choose to try and work things out with my better half and not have a best friend. Either way I loose someone with the potential of not ending up with the one I chose anyway. I really need to think about this. All I can do is trust them both and have faith in them and hope for the best. It would be easy to say that everything will work itself out but it never does for me.