Dustin's Diary

A look at the day's happenings and thoughts. ~Read at your own discretion. This blog is from the mind of the author and contains opinions that are of the author. It is no way endorced by any other company or any other body.

: Name: Dustin; Location: Rimersburg, Pennsylvania, United States

I am an enigma. A perfect right hand middle man living safely supported on the edge. Complicatedly simple or simply complicated, that's for you to decide. I lose the games I play & win the ones I don't. I'm not here to play games. I'm here, there, everywhere. Often I like to feel as if I'm the world. Other times I want to melt into the scenery. I see myself as a familiar stranger standing along the street as life speeds by. I like strangers & love my friends. I laugh when people fall but offer a helping hand. I hate people but love working with the public. The Constitution is wrong, all men are not created equal; they should be. I believe that not everyone has the same opportunities; it's what you do with the ones that lay before you that determine who you become. I like to walk. Running is too fast; but some roses are meant to be seen & not smelled. Time is an illusion created by man. I’ll create it for those who are willing to do the same. Your birthday is important to me & hope mine is to you. I tend to give more than I receive. Respect & appreciation are key. Conversation is a gold mine; knowledge is wealth & power. My intelligence is my most prized possession, don't insult it.

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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Why?

No obstacles fell in his way that seemed to him insurmountable. He might be defeated, as he sometimes was, but he shrank from no hardship through impatience, he fled from no danger through cowardice.- J. P. Morgan writing about Napoleon Bonaparte

Life here in Disney World isn't as exciting as one might think it would be. Trust me. True there is always something to do but not always someone to do it with and the few people who are available aren't worth the effort. It's amazing how fickle people can be and this includes myself, but I'm talking about the pointlessness that these people let run their lives.

There are other reasons why living here is a bit rough but that comes from being on the College Program and originally being 1300 miles north. These problems include the lack of communication that takes place. I have spoken with several people, here, that are from PA, and they all seem to have the same problems and concerns that I have about the communication situation with home. Something that people don't understand is that we are living in a whole new world (weather, people, attitude, culture, etc...) and with little or no comforts from home. The phone time we have with our loved ones are important times and keep us going. Those times are a release. When we are unable to talk to home and those we love then we feel lost and left out. It's hard to explain the exactness of the feelings that arise.

I've chatted with Daniel a few times online just to fight. I hate fighting with him. It drives me crazy especially since he doesn't seem to understand anything that I am feeling. He makes me feel so... so... I don't know... I just feel down and out. Especially since nothing ever seems to get resolved and when that happens I can't sleep and have trouble functioning. I'm not sure he fully understands what he means to me and how much our relationship is worth to me. The thought of coming home to him is the one thing that keeps me going. If I come to the conclusion that our relationship isn't going to make it thru this then I'm going to self-terminate and come home early. He means more to me than anything else. The only other people in my life that means that much would me my mother and best friend. With out him I feel so empty. The time he's spending in West Virginia with that boy makes me feel a little uncomfortable. It would be much easier for him to move on because the people he meets are stationary where as the people I meet are from the other side of the globe and would be completely stupid of me to even consider something so stupid. My intentions are not to attack him because that's not what I'm trying to do. I just worry that's all and yes I do get jealous but that's a good thing, right? It shows that I still genuinely care. But I'm sure it'll all be taken the wrong way. =( My feelings, thoughts and words are often misinterpreted. People just don't understand me and it upsets me.

I came here with hopes of having a good time but I feel like I'm being robbed of this because of all the drama that I have going on back home. I hate the fact that I came here to get away and have a vacation but some of the drama that I was trying to avoid followed me and more was created. Why does life need to be so dramatic? Why? Why can't I just have one more day of pure happiness? Why?

And my horoscope:

As much as you might prefer smooth sailing, there's still some heavy weather to endure. Don't give up just yet; you're actually closer than you think. But keep to your original route instead of experimenting with untried shortcuts. This is no time for regrets. Perspective and reality are about to converge. What now seems like a burden will soon feel like a vindication. In the meantime, enter your safety margin. Conserve limited resources by keeping one eye on the clock and one foot on the brake. Others will be reassured as long as you remain calm.

Saturday, July 24, 2004

10 days cold

My lack of posting for the past 10 days aren't my fault. The internet service here has not been working and when working was extremely slow (and unwilling to load this site). Instead of doing my usual day by day catch up routine I'm just going to fill you in by using a generalization and over view of any of the big events that have transpired during my posting discrepancies.

Ok so nothing huge gas really happened. I was set to go parasailing this past Tuesday but it was cancelled. When I mentioned that I was going parasailing Daniel said about how he wanted to go and how it would have been nice to do it for the first time together. That is if he is still coming down. I can't wait around for ever for him to make up his mind on whether or not he's coming down. There are things that I would like to do (prefer to do them with him, but if he's not coming...).

The days here were going by so fast and now suddenly they seem to be dragging on. Why the sudden change in pace? I liked it better when the time was flying. It's probably because when I first got here I was having a great time, everything was brand new and exciting, but now everything has become routine; same old stuff day in and day out. The Magic Kingdom has left it's place as a symbol of dreams and has become the icon of just another day. I'm moving on and getting to the point where this whole experience has lost it's potency. Is it because I did too much at the beginning and left nothing for the latter days? That may be but I doubt it. There is still so much that I haven't done. Living in a theme park (Disney World, none-the-less) never leaves one with nothing to do that one hasn't done. There's always something that you have not yet done. Even then I have all the surrounding parks at my disposal not to mention the many beaches. It's got more to do with the luxury factor, I think. My vacation is turning into my job. The people I see are becoming routine. Many if them will be leaving in August and we'll be getting a whole new batch of college programmers, so hopefully the shuffle causes enough excitement and entertainment that the time will then start to pass by a little quicker again. I'm also missing home more and more. It has little to do with home-sickness and more to do with the fact that the people of home aren't maintaining a line of communication with me. I hate that. It has me feeling un-cared for. Kacy is the only one who is doing what she can to keep our friendship going. It is I who is slacking there (but as soon as I can find some post card stamps in this god-forsaken state...). Daniel used to call me everyday then it went to two three times a week but since I got here it's become once a week to once every other week. Drifting... drifting... =( He is also spending a lot of time in WV (in a hotel) with someone. I think he's on his way to
(if not already has) replacing me. At this point I'm feeling so much closer and more comfortable with Shawna than I have in a long time.

Last night I had a dream that I left the program, went AWOL of sorts. Yet, towards the end of the dream I was wanting to come back. I said it was because I had left all my stuff and I needed to return to get it but it was really because I wanted to comeback. Could it be that I do need just a little taste of home to refresh me and remind me why I'm here. After the dream and I woke up this morning things were feeling a little brighter but I'm sure that feeling will diminish in a day or so. My only hope is that when I do come back I've not lost anything but gained strength in my relationship and friendship with the people of home.

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

Again...

The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason.- Marya Mannes

So great has been the endurance, so incredible the achievement, that, as long as the sun keeps a set course in heaven, it would be foolish to despair of the human race. - Ernest L. Woodward

It's been a week since I last posted. Many things have changed since my last entry. But let's do the usual thing in catching up my journal and take it one day at a time. So where was it that I left off? Oh yes...

Thursday July 8th I worked in the morning. I don't remember where (I believe it was Mission Space). I just remember that it was in the morning. I enjoy working in the mornings especially on Mondays and Thursdays because then I'm able to have plenty of time to get ready to for my night(s) out at Pleasure Island. I had worn my new clothes to the club. I was looking hot =) People love me.

Friday July 9th is also mainly a blur. My days here just seem to run together completely. It's not normal days it's Disney Days. Thus Saturday the 10th is also a blur. I just don't remember what I did and or where I was. Oh now... I remember where I worked Friday and Saturday. I worked at The Towers during the evenings. No excitement happened. Nothing really does there.

Sunday the 11th I worked at The Land. Ugh, I hate it there especially when I have to work the dining room. It's just never ending there. Thankfully I had an early shift (8-2) and most of the place doesn't open until 11:30 so I didn't have to deal with huge crowds. I went back to deployment to see if they had another place open that I may pick up an extra shift. They had a few but I changed my mind and just came home and hung out by the pool by for a few hours before it started to storm. Sunday ending up being a good day, though, because I was able to finally get in touch with Shawna. I talked to her for an hour or so. It felt good. I miss her terribly. She's in Ohio with her mom and helping out at her mom's hotel. She mentioned wanting to come see me at sometime. I hope she is able to. It would be great to see her. She and I both agree that this time apart may be doing us some good. I think that us both spending time in completley strange surroundings is not only going to be good for our friendship but good for us individually. My time here, away from almost everything I've ever known (excluding my time in the ARMY) is helping me appreciate what I had. As for my friendship with Shawna, I think the break is going to do us good because we now are starting to realize what we really meant to each other. I'm hoping that when we are finally able to see other again we aould be able to build back up our friendship.

Monday the 12th I was deployed to Norway. I love Norway. The Norwegians are fantastic people, they are so fun, but my day there was torture. My duty was simply to stand on that damned viking boat all day to keep kids and adults from climbing over the sides, or up the the helm, or anywhere else they shouldn't be climbing. What a long day. It took forever for the day to finish. But the end of the day was inevitable and it finally came. So I headed home and got ready and headed out. As usual I was showered with compliments on how cute I was. I think people here are either blind or have an odd sense of what is cute. I don't find myself to be as attractive as they say I am. But, it still feels good. =)

Yesterday I hung out with Brent. He's from Illinois and works at MGM but is in for a transfer to the Magic Kingdom. I'm not entirely sure what his position is. He is kind of a floater right now until he gets placed. But he's only here for three more weeks before he goes home. He's seasonal. He's a great guy. We didn't do much all day. Just kind of chilled and hung out before heading out to EPCOT to the Cast party at West Innoventions. The party was fun. Not a huge turn-out but still fun. They had some characters come out to play us. It's kind of amusing that they do that considering. But I had fun and I believe Brent did as well. After that I came home and talked to Daniel on the phone. He's so fantastic.

Today so far is going well. I've not done anything yet except lounge out by the pool and wnet upstairs to visit Alfredo. Now I'm waiting for Brent to call me t hang out. I think we're going to go grocery shopping and go to see Fantasmic. We'll see. Then it's off to work in the morn. Ugh.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

What's going on?

Real heroes are men who fall and fail and are flawed, but win out in the end becauase they've stayed true to their ideals and beliefs and commitments. -Kevin Costner

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. - Anonymous

On July 3 I was deplyed to Mission Space again. I don't mind it there. It's ok. The time is enjoyable and seems to go by faster than in most other places. The other cast members that work there are also enjoyable. Except one but then no one really cares for her and she's easy to ignore. The best part about working there are the guests. The interaction there is one of the best interaction spots because of the style and type of ride it is. So many people come thru there a day.

On July 4th I worked in the morning and had been pre-deployed to Towers. They must have fixed the air conditioning there because it was nice and cool inside the main two buildings (Traders & Post). Working there wasn't to bad. The time went by quickly and I was out in no time. The only down side is that you also work at the kiosks (East & West) outside. Now that is torture because of the heat. But during my break I had walked over to the Cast Services building where they were handing out free ice cream to the cast members. I got more than my share and became rather hyper. After my shift ended I went back and got more. hehe On my way out Rachel stopped me and asked me if I would like to watch the fireworks with her and a few other Rangers. I agreed. It's a good time when us Rangers hang out. We started out with 4 and snowballed to 14. It became one of the best nights of my life. I had such a great time. The fire works were fantastic. EPCOT out did themselves with the amount and length and quality of them. They lasted over 45 minutes and were absolutley fabulous. They had actually stopped the show short because there was a change in the wind and some people were getting debris in their eyes. But the show as great. I hope to be able to see them again next year. After the fireworks we were heading home when we decided to have a Piggy Back race. Well Rachel was on Steve's back when Steve ate pavement. What a disaster his head was, as was her arm. What a funny sight tho. Then we all came back to Chatham and hung out at the pool until early morning.

July 5th I was pre-deployed to Towers again. I had expected to be tired all day at work but I was surprisingly still in a hyper mood. The prior night has stayed with me. I love it when that happens. So work that day was fun. I had a good time. It went by fast. I had then come home and hung out with the girls (Sara, Anna, Kristi, & Damaras) upstairs. On my way from their apartment I met two boys (Alfredo & Leo) who live on the third floor, so I went to their apartment to hang with them. They both are characters, which is cool. They were very nice people. Then I had to get ready to go out. Alfredo wanted to come along since he had never been to Mannequins before. So he came along. He's from Puerto Rico. He's such a blast to hang with. I came home late and went to bed.

July 6th I had off. I got up earlier than I ecpected I would and hung out by the pool for a little while before heading out to the Oulets to get some shopping done. I bought this great new ensemble from Guess. The Outlets here aren't as great as the one's back home. After that I went back to the pool and hung out. Other than that I'm not entirely sure what I did for the remainder of the day. But I spent the evening over at Sean (a Rescue Ranger) and David's (he works at The Great Movie Ride) apartment until about 3 am this morning.

Today I got up early and headed over to the pool to work on m tan. It is so nice. I have a great tan going. The line looks a little stupid because of where it is but I'm fixing it. So I'll have a great tan line no time at all. Sean and I were supposed to go to Disney-MGM today but we got rained out so we just able to get out ride in while there. We then headed to McDonalds to get something to eat where we stayed and chatted for a bit. Then I came home and now here I am. I'm not feeling very good right now. I think there may be something going on back home and I can't get in contact with anyone. My Pookie seems to be avoiding me. Are you? Why? What's wrong? Please call me! I love you. Shawna is still missing. =( Will someone please call me and let me know what's going on. Is mom going in for her surgery? Is Shawna alive and well? Does Pookie Bear still love me? =(

Friday, July 02, 2004

And now the mustard.

The true worth of a man is to be measured by the objects he pursues. - Marcus Aurelius

Well, I did it again. I lapsed a few days. I do apologize.

On Wednesday the 30th, I was deployed to work at Living With The Land. It is a boat ride through a series of green houses. Quite nice and beautiful. People sure do love it. I was so bored out of my mind though. I was stuck at the greeter position all day. Which required me to stand at the front doors and welcome people into The Land and answer any questions they may have (which was either "Where is the boat ride?" or "What's all in this building?") The plus side being that it closes at 7 so I was sure to be out by 7:30. Well I didn't count on mobs of angry guests. People get so bitchy when you take away food and fun. I barely made it out alive but I did and right on time, too. Yay. =) I'm not entirely sure what I did after that. The rest of the day is kind of a blur but I believe that I hung out with Matt for the evening.

Then yesterday, July 1st. I was supposed to work but I called in because my eyes hurt and I was unable to get my contacts in and could barely hold the one eye open. I believe I may have scratched my cornea taking my contacts out. But I was able to get them in later in the day. I was then able to hang with my Uncle Pat who is in town (from Cape Coral, FL) for a few days. So I went to his resort where I also saw my cousin Robbie. Then a coincidence of proportions my mother's cousin happened to be staying in the same building as Uncle Pat (also his cousin). She was there with her husband and grand-daughter. It was an odd little family reunion. We went to Planet Hollywood to eat. They took our picture there and gave us each one. It was nice. Fun memories. Like Disney says - It's a Small World, after all. Then we went back to the resort where Uncle Pat, Robbie and I hung out by the bar until Matt came to pick me up.

Today I was deployed to work at Mission Space. It was alright. It's no Mouse Gear but it'll do. I do enjoy being one of the few people in Disney World who gets to jump roles on a daily basis. Everyone else has one job that they do day in and day out. How boring! Variety is the spice of life and I sure like it spicy. hehe There was a lady at Mission Space today that did irritate me some. She's such a moron, what a wench. But I don't wanna discuss her. It'll only irritate me more. I then came home and relaxed. Matt brought a movie over (Party Monster) and we watched that. Interesting movie. Now here I am. Finishing up my relaxing and filling you in.

Tomorrow I work in the morning. I am hoping to go someplace that I enjoy because I can't take no more of this boring job stuff. Plus they have me pre-deployed to Towers all next week. Towers has no air conditioning and I'll be in the same place for the week. So I would like one last good place before I'm sent to the sauna that is Towers. We'll see I guess.

Now as for how I am feeling about this whole situation on the whole. Things are getting easier for me. Everything is falling into place. There are a few things that still remain a struggle. Like me missing my Pookie. I love you, hunny. I also miss my mom. But I will see them all soon. And I'll be seeing Kacy, as well. I've gotten two cards from her since I got here, which has been nice. I really need to get on the ball and send her one in return. I just need to find a place that sells stamps. I haven't heard from Shawna. I got one letter when I first got here but nothing since. My mom can't seem to get in touch with her either. Her nor Danny. I hope all is well with them. I'm thinking I should try and get the number to the hotel her mom manages in Ohio and try calling her there. She may be there. I miss her, a lot. This is the longest stretch that her and I have not had any contact with each other since we've known each other. I'm not liking it. Hopefully I can do something about it. Hopefully.