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Dustin's Diary

A look at the day's happenings and thoughts. ~Read at your own discretion. This blog is from the mind of the author and contains opinions that are of the author. It is no way endorced by any other company or any other body.

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Location: Rimersburg, Pennsylvania, United States

I am an enigma. A perfect right hand middle man living safely supported on the edge. Complicatedly simple or simply complicated, that's for you to decide. I lose the games I play & win the ones I don't. I'm not here to play games. I'm here, there, everywhere. Often I like to feel as if I'm the world. Other times I want to melt into the scenery. I see myself as a familiar stranger standing along the street as life speeds by. I like strangers & love my friends. I laugh when people fall but offer a helping hand. I hate people but love working with the public. The Constitution is wrong, all men are not created equal; they should be. I believe that not everyone has the same opportunities; it's what you do with the ones that lay before you that determine who you become. I like to walk. Running is too fast; but some roses are meant to be seen & not smelled. Time is an illusion created by man. I’ll create it for those who are willing to do the same. Your birthday is important to me & hope mine is to you. I tend to give more than I receive. Respect & appreciation are key. Conversation is a gold mine; knowledge is wealth & power. My intelligence is my most prized possession, don't insult it.

Monday, November 29, 2004

A Mix

Life's about friendships, the way you love your partner, the way you care for your children. That is what life is about. Not anything about earning a hundred zillion dollars because you toured America more than anyone else. I want life to be about creativity. -Joe Strummer

Though I went to bed late last night I set my alarm to go off at 10 am. I woke up a little before it went off. I came out to the kitchen and saw my answering machine blinking. Jennifer from deployment called and left a message. I called her back to find out that she wanted me to come in earlier than 130. I agreed. I grabbed a shower and caught the first bus to EPCOT.

I get there earlier than she expected me to. She then deployed me to strollers until 2 pm. I'm not a big fan of strollers but I hadn't been there in awhile so I was stoked it was something other than the norm and besides it wasn't for my whole shift. I actually didn't spend half of my shift at the location. A lady had came up to the register and asked if someone could walk an ECV out of the park and into the parking lot (since ECV's do not go out of the parks) to get her husband. He was unable to get in and out of a wheelchair because he had both of his legs amputated. He had actually just gotten out of the hospital and the first thing he wanted to do was visit EPCOT. He was also unable to ride SpaceShip Earth due to the door system on the ride. So I walked them over to guess relations and booked than a free meal. I figured that since the man was so dedicated to the parks that we should do something for them. But not only was it a magical moment for them but it was for me as well.

At 200 I was done at strollers but they didn't have any where for me to go until 5pm. So I was going to sit in the office and read my book. But that didn't happen. I was given a tedious task of putting together a map of the United States from the state series pins. While doing that Ranger Josh poked his head in the door and asked if Lynn was available. Is she ever? I immediately knew so I said, "You're doing it, aren't you?" He said yes. This was in reference to his self terminating. He had told me that he was thinking about it. I made no mention of it in my journal because of the situation that happened with Rachel (and my posting her termination thoughts). So Josh is leaving tomorrow morning. That's another Ranger down. We're going to start running low.

At 500 I was to be at Pin Central until the end of my shift. I enjoy working at pins for a little while so luckily I was only there for 5 hours. So out of 11 hours on the clock only about 8 of them were work. I enjoy the getting paid for nothing. What I do enjoy is working multiple locations in one day. It makes the day go by so much faster. I finished up at pins at 1000 pm and came home. Then it was off to Pleasure Island. Since LeeAnn is with her family I hung out with my other PI-buds.

And now here I sit. I am to have off tomorrow but I feel like I'm going to be called in. I could use the money.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Time

None will improve your lot If you yourself do not. -Bertolt Brecht
I did not work today so I didn't have to crawl out of bed at any time in particular. Since I had gone to bed late last night I woke up around 10 and stepped out of bed around 11. It was so nice to sleep in and get some sleep. I don't sleep much here. I just don't seem to have the time really.

Robert called me and asked if I would have liked to pick up a shift; I said no. Natalia and I had plans. We were wanting to go to Downtown Disney. I tried calling Allison to see if she would have liked to have gone but he roommate said she was in bed ill and asleep (which was only half right). So, Natalia and I were off. We did a bit of shopping before we decided to see a movie. We had decided to see Finding Neverland (my comments will follow). After the movie we came home for a brief time in order to put warmer clothes on, for we were heading back out. We then ventured to EPCOT to watch the fireworks. I do enjoy them. After which we came home.

Once home I put away clothes that had been sitting in my laundry basket and hung up a movie poster (for National Treasure) that was given to me at Downtown Disney. I then read the first two chapters in the book I bought today; Mirror Mirror. I'm hoping it's at least as good as Confessions (same author). I was hoping to buy Wicked but Virgin was sold out. Other than that I didn't do to much.

My thoughts on the movie: I personally think that the movie was extremely good. Natalia loved it. We both would love to see it again. I can't explain to you what the movie was about. It's not about anything and yet about everything. The story line that encompasses the movie is that of the writer of Peter Pan and how he came to write the story. Truly a good movie. It actually brought to my attention something that I had never thought about. It has to do with the clock being in the crocodile's stomach and the crocodile always being after Captain Hook. The point is that time is always chasing after us. Who knew that there was such an underlying statement. Or maybe I just never caught on. I recommend the movie to everyone.

Now with 202 days of the program behind me and 35 more to go time is becoming more and more valuable. Soon, I'll be home. Soon.

Saturday, November 27, 2004

"What is strange is that we may remember what we have done, but not always why we did it." -Gregory Maquire (Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister)

I woke up at 7 am this morning due to me needing to be at work at 9 am. For the first time in a long time I wasn't able to just get straight into the shower because my roommate was in the bathroom. So now the inconveniences begin. I still made it in plenty of time to the bus stop.

When I got to work I sat near the CDS computers to await time to check in. I think I'm going to start to avoid the office as much as possible. As of late (even before Bob's rudeness) it seems so unwelcoming. I was sent to World Showcase Custodial. I figured I would be. Since I got nasty with Bob and Robert I just know that I'll be sent to custodial a lot in these last 37 days because they think it'll bug me. Esmerelda was also sent to World Showcase Custodial. She was dressed in said she would wait for me. So I got changed and then had to go into the office to get her. We were then off to the custodial office to find out our areas. I was sent to Canada streets and she was sent to France/Morocco restrooms. Not a hard day at all. The time flew by really. At 2:30 we had to go back to the custodial office for the evening shifts preshift meeting. I was then sent to Germany to bus and Esmerelda was sent to Canada until the end of our shifts. That little segment of time drug on. But it was still over soon enough.

Charlie gave me a ride home so I didn't have to walk from the bus stop to my apartment in the pouring rain. Thanks Charlie. I came home and text messaged Daniel. He called me. I was happy. We talked for a little while before he had to go. He said he'd call back later. I finished my book (Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister by Gregory Maguire). A good book. I do enjoy surprise endings. Who knew that "a Cinderella story" could have one. Then I watched some TV. I mainly watched The Real World in hopes of catching some familiar sites. It's in PA this season so it's small doses of home, even tho it's in Philadelphia. Then I took a nap.

Over all today I had a great day. I was in an ecstatic mood. It my one year anniversary. I had called a florist back in PA and had them deliver flowers and a teddy bear. Nothing was going to put me in a fowl or grumpy mood today. I have tomorrow off. Going to hang out with Natalia.

Friday, November 26, 2004

Fading

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song. -Chinese Proverb

I woke up today around 9 am because I had to be at work at 1130. I'm really hating these mid-day shifts. They suck up they suck up they entire day. Plus, by the time you get home it's almost time to go to bed and when you wake in the morning you have little time. There is just no time to do anything. I didn't do anything before work except read my book and work a little on my site.

After getting to cast services I checked CDS to see if Robert had fixed my messed up time from the day before. Sure enough he didn't. As usual he was an incompetent fool who doesn't know how to do the simplest of tasks given to him. I went into the office to see if someone would fix it. [CDS was saying that my day ended at 7:15 but it didn't and I didn't punch out until 9:00. That's 1 hour and 45 minutes later. I need to make sure that I'm not going to be in trouble for this and that I get paid for that time.] I get to the office really only to be ignored by everyone in it (except Jason who was busy on the phone). Robert finally takes it upon himself to ask what I needed. I told him and he said that I was supposed to return to the Ranger office at that time. I obviously had because I had asked him three times the night before to fix it. Plus I sat there with him for over 30 minutes while he called the location to fix a time discrepancy. Well he said that no one could find me. Well if he would have made any effort to look for me it wouldn't have been hard. I was sitting in the cast services break room (which is where all the Rangers who were released early like that goes to). The break room is a whopping 15 feet down the hall from the office. I was in there the entire time. Please Survivor was on and I am not going to miss it if I didn't have to. Plus, Brian saw me in the hall way. So I naturally I was irritated and reminded him of the events of the previous evening. All he kept saying was we couldn't find you. What!?! Is he that dim that he doesn't remember seeing me and talking to me. Not to mention the fact that I had brought up that very problem three times. Moron. Well I got loud with him. Called him an idiot and walked off so as not to be late for my shift.

I was deployed to Ice Station Cool for the entire duration of my shift. I like Ice Station except for the sticky floor and the cast members there are slightly off. Closing sucks only because of all the trash bags that needs put into cans. It's so tedious. But still a decent place to work. Sally was deployed there as well so I at least knew that I was going to have someone normal to converse with. In the course of the work day there was a lost child, a lady who while asking where the restroom was puked all over the ground and saw two VIP tour groups come through. Only one VIP was recognized as being Sarah Michelle Gellar. She's so hot. One of the soda machines was broken and was spewing watermelon syrup all over the floor. Sticky mess. Leh Lee was manager. She's so flighty but I love her. She showed told of the Thanksgiving day left overs in the Pin Central refrigerator and told me to go help myself on my break. So, I did. There was some sweet potato pie there and oh my, was it heavenly. The day went quickly. I was out in no time. I came home and grabbed some dinner and watched a movie. Now here I sit.

About something I mentioned in above (about me getting loud with Robert). I find myself becoming a less patient person with people, especially stupid people. I've been here too long. 199 days. I can really start to feel it weighing on me. Especially after yesterday. It just didn't seem like any sort of holiday. I'm used to a cold and brown Thanksgiving; not a warm green one. It had little to do with spending the holiday away from my family. For most of my life I spent the holidays alone. My family would go off to the extended family holidays and I'm not welcome there. So it was ravioli and/or PB & J. However last year, Daniel came up to spend them with me. I guess it's just that when I'm home and alone I still have the comforts of familialarity but here I have nothing. It's all new. It's all different. Too different.

Plus for the past week I've been noticing some decline in the compassion and kindness in people here. I myself am falling into that. Why? Is it that we are coming to a close with only 37 days to go? Is it the time we've been here weighing down? Is that we're pushing people away so that the goodbyes aren't as hard in January? When I think about leaving, I can't wait to leave. The number of people that I'm truly going to miss is decreasing at an incredible rate. I'm not too sure how I feel about it. I don't exactly like it but then they really aren't doing anything to stop it... so why should I. Friendship takes an effort from all parties involved. I will not give with no reciprocation - I've learned my lesson with that mistake several times before and will not fall prey to that stupidity again.

Off to bed I go. I do work 9-530 tomorrow. Bankers hours. Let's hope my fortune of good shifts continues. Hope - the one thing I have left.

Thursday, November 25, 2004

A Lemon

Human nature is not a machine to be built after a model, and set to do exactly the work prescribed for it, but a tree, which requires to grow and develop itself on all sides, according to the tendency of the inward forces which make it a living thing. -John Stuart Mill

I think that's my favorite quote so far. Definitely a good one.

Well here it is, Thanksgiving. I had to be at work at 1230 today. I got up at 7 O'clock as usual hopes that I would have the chance to talk to Daniel. He hadn't gone to work the night before so I wasn't sure if he'd be up at 7am or not. I knew he was planning on going to parents house for Thanksgiving and was wanting to leave in the morning. Well I didn't get to talk to him. So then I just read my book and worked a little more on my site.

I didn't have a work costume so I had to go in a little early to be able to get one and get into it before I had to be there. As usual it didn't take as long as I figured it would so I had some spare time. I was attempting to read my book but the office was bustling with Rangers and ATLAS folks so I was getting no where. They were having an office pot luck for Thanksgiving. One in which I did not wish to partake. That office and any of our superiors have never organized anything in the past to show appreciation to us Rangers. They never made plans to include us. Now all of a sudden they want to do something for us. It's not even like it was done for us, really. They all had to work and was doing it for themselves. But the inclusion part was new. I may be sounding ungrateful here and that's because I am. The only reason they even thought to include us is because of the meetings we had with Tim. I don't want a charity/hey-look-I'm-being-nice Thanksgiving dinner. I sat there firm in my position of not partaking for most of the time. Then LeeAnn came in and sat down next me. She had brought in some food and was wanting me to try it. She made me eat. Very few people are able to sway me once I set my mind to something. She did it. So I had a small plate.

While I was getting my plate I was approached by Bob asking me how I felt. I just looked at him with a dumb founded stupor on my face in the disbelief that he would even think of walking up to me with the intentions of speaking to me after the ignorance he had shown me. I simply said "You were very mean to me, Bob." He said he heard about my journal. [Oh really? That's kind of disrespectful. If I had wanted Bob to know what was in my journal he would have the link. I was to pre-occupied with the fact that he only came up to me because he knew of that information and wanted to make himself look better. Too late, Bob. I don't forgive people easily for being an ass.] Anyway. He started to walk off and defend himself at the same time. Couldn't even stand there to do it, because he knew had been wrong. Even if his being an ass had a legitimate point behind it - there was a much nicer way of going about it. Instead of being an ass and trying to kick me out of the office he could have simply stated ok Dustin you can not be here because and then I would have told him the reasons I was there. Because I had to be. See how easy and un-asslike that whole thing could have went.

I was deployed to Out Door Foods. I've never done ODF before. It was a good time. Now I have officially worn every Future World Costume. My shift there ended at 630 but my shift over all ended at 9. So for the last 2.5 hours of my shift I got to sit in the break room of Cast Services. [That never happens to me. Jennifer deployed me. Thanks Jennifer. You rock.] So while I sat there I got to watch Survivor. After which I went over to the Mexico pavilion and watched Illuminations. They were the special set with the 4 minute Christmas addition. They were very good. Intense, but good. Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The first and only time on this holiday I felt it.

After that I came home. I was in the middle of making some macaroni salad when Tiffany invited me over for some food. I put up a small fuss but accepted. Thanks Tiffany. It was good food, I promise I'm not just saying that. I stayed there for a while and talked. Since Tiffany got the internship with DLC she's no been included in much Ranger activity. So it was good to talk to her.

Not that there has been much Ranger activity going on. Since Jeremy's departure it's fizzled. If there is any thing going on then I'm not being invited. Who knows. I've come to conclusion that people here are fickle. Very fickle. God knows I love 'em but they're fickle. Let's hope Christmas has more of a special feel to it. This was the worst Thanksgiving of my life.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Begin Countdown

"Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it, a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not." -Henry Fielding

Monday: I was to start work at 2 but I got up early as usual. I didn't do much in the morn. Just hung out around the apartment and awaited the arrival of the new roommate. He showed up about 10 minutes before I had to head out the door.

I actually had an appointment with health services at 145 because of a rash I was developing due to work. It took less than an hour to get in and get checked and get out. One of the fastest visits to a health clinic I've ever had. I was put on work restrictions. I was put on medical leave for 3 days, starting on Monday. I turned in my restriction paperwork to the office. Bob treated me with such disrespect. At first I was hurt but then I became livid. I in no way deserved him being an ass to me.

I came home and hung out that apartment for a few hours. John was going grocery shopping so I tagged along to get my prescription filled. It turned out to be a whole-to-do in getting it filled. The pharmacy had to make all kinds of phone calls because it was bring paid for by Disney's workman's compensation. I ended up not getting it filled at that moment. She said she'd give me a call when she could. John and I returned home then.

It being Monday meant that Jason worked in the morning and that he was going to be home all evening which in turn means that football was going to be on the TV non-stop. I almost feel bad for the kid. He has no friends and I'm not talking just here, I mean in general. The only three people I ever hear him talking to on the phone is his brother, mother, and grandmother. The extent of the conversations usually don't surpass the topic of football. He has some serious issues to the point of a sick obsession.

Even though I was sent home from work early (through no fault of my own nor willingly), LeeAnn and I still did our usual Monday night thing. Only this time we did something a little different. We were dressed to match. I was wearing my white linen pants and a white button down. I was looking super cute, if I do say so. Now, LeeAnn on the other hand was looking good. She was wearing a white skirt and a black trimmed brazier. So it was our own little white party. We looked good together. She got so many compliments. I have actually never been complimented so much at Pleasure Island. (LeeAnn does a person good. She's like the perfect accessory. I need a LeeAnn to take to PA with me. I wonder if Wal*Mart or Super Target has one. lol) People thought we were on our honeymoon. I didn't think we were that dressed up. We had a good time. I ended up getting a little drunk. (OK Ashley... stop snickering) Well, maybe a little drunk isn't the proper term to use. It was a good time. I hadn't been drunk in a while. I came home and passed out.

Tuesday: I woke up, on the couch, to the sound of the TV being turned on by Jason. Ass. I had never made it to my bed the night before. I didn't feel to well. One of the worst hang overs I've ever had. My head throbbed. But I needed to get up and become mobile so I could get to Walgreens and pick up prescription (she had called the night before and said that I could pick it up in the morning after 10). Needless to say, I was too inebriated to even contemplate moving. John was going to get hair cut and asked me to go along and he'd swing by to pick up my prescription. So I went along. I, as well, decided to partake in the cutting of the hair. It was an odd sort of hair cuttery. The only sounds were that of the razors humming. No sounds of clients gossiping nor that of the stylist's with work place drama. I tried to break the silence and talk to my stylist but it didn't go anywhere. My hair came out alright. I don't know about $15 alright. After that we headed to get my prescription. Then John decided he wanted to rent some movies. Off to Blockbuster we went. He rented Harry Potter 2 -cause he had never seen it and because- and I purchased the third one. We came home and watched them. It was a happy time. After which I didn't do to much. Just relaxed and did some laundry before heading to bed.

Today: I had an appointment with health services at 900. I got up at my usual 7 am, got ready and headed out. I met Jenn at the bus stop. At Vista the bus picked up Jacob and Rachael Shonk (the only Rachael we have left). Instead of reading my book I talked to them. I tried to catch up with Jenn and see how her trip went but that's not how it turned out. I'll just have to call her and set up a hang-out time.

Health services again didn't take all that long. I was in and out within an hour and a half. I was released to go back to work tomorrow. I get to work 1230-900. It should be a good time. I took the papers into Lynn but as usual she wasn't available. I gave them to Bob. Again, Bob showed me nothing but malicious malcontent. What the hell is his problem? Trying to kick me out of the Ranger Office. I'm not even sure why I let it bother me. I just didn't do anything. So I called him an ass. I'm sure I'll be deployed to crappy places now for a while. I then came home and did nothing all day except eat, watch TV, finish my laundry and work on the updating of my site. Oh, and, I took a small nap. It was a nice relaxing day. One can only hope that tomorrow fairs just as well.

39 more days.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Oh So Fresh

The essential thing in life is not conquering but fighting well. -Baron de Coubertin, The Olympic Creed


I'm feel more run down tonight than I have in a long time. Tonight was the latest I've worked in ages. I was scheduled to work 1400-2230.

I woke up this morning at 7 in order to talk with Daniel but didn't get to. So I layed back down and passed out until a little after ten. At which time, I find Daniel online. I caht with him until it's time for me to get ready to head out to work.

Going into work I knew that I was gonna be custodial today. It was the perfect shift for it. Stewart and Frankie were deployed there with me. All three of us were sent to World Showcase. I got Germany streets. Of all the streets in World Showcase it's the worst because of the sheer size of the zone. All the country's pavilions are supposed to be the same size but I dispute that claim. There are a total of 34 trash cans to empty compared to the 10 in every other zone. It was busy when I first got there but as the day went on it got progressively slower. The highlight of my day was seeing small children cry and cower in fright of the life-size nut crackers walking around. I must say, they were pretty frightening. I wanted to run away screaming. My shift went suprisingly fast today. Which was nice.

While I at work today I was thinking about my job and what I hated about it and what I liked about it. I also was thinking about my "self-terming period" and all the reasons behind my wanting to. Tho the big reasons were very valid and had nothing to do with my job there, of course, were some that did. One of those reasons being that I was constantly being deployed to custodial/bussing. I realized today what exactly it was about it that was driving me insane. I told my recruiter when in the interview that I only wanted to come down as a Role Hopper because I enjoy moving around and doing different things all the time. I don't like feeling stagnent. Well being custodial all the time was getting old and I was getting bored. I always got the same locations so it wasn't anything new or exciting. It's a thankless position. People are jerks to custodial cast members (and this includes fellow cast members). To sum it all up: it depresses me. I'm by myself. Almost never near any other normal english speaking cast member at any point in time. Guest interaction is a bare mimimum because they don't have any reason to talk to or approach you. So it's lonely. With all the time to your self it's thinking time. Everyone knows that prolonged free thinking time isn't good for anyone. Now that I'm back on the custodial band wagon it's all becoming apparent again. Fresh in my mind.

Now I'm back at the apartment and ready to anjoy my last night of my very own room. The new roommate moves in tomorrow at some point. Lets hope that he has to move out for some reason or better yet, he doesn't show up. Either would be nice. Nothing against him... I just like having my own room. Let us hope he's nice.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

We Shall See

The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. That's real glory. That's the essence of it. -Vince Lombardi


I had to be at work at 9 o'clock this morning. I set the alarm for the appropriate time but for some reason I didn't get up. The medication I'm taking is making me feel so run down, so it is my belief that it is also the cause of my lack of ambition in the morning to jump right out of bed. So in a hustle I was this morning to get around and get to the bus stop. I made it just in time.

I get to the Ranger office and discover some Rangers without homes. There were no places to send us. In a way not having a home is nice but it also kind of sucks. So in all there were about 8 of us with no homes when the 10 o'clock Rangers start trickling in, Ashley being amongst them. As soon as she punches in Robert comes out to tell her that she has a home. How is it that 8 of us are ahead of her with no home? Then within five minutes I have a home. But here's the odd part. I was at the location until a half our before the end of my shift, so the last half our of my shift I was just going to sit around. My question is this: Why did they not deploy one of the 3 Rangers who got there before I did and whose shifts matched the need? I am now 110% convinced that Robert is a moron. -Anyway- I was deployed to Living Seas which is not a bad place to work. Yes, it is full of elderly whack jobs. Yes, it is boring as hell. Yes, it does smell kind of funny. Yes, the time crawls. But, I do enjoy my time there. Why? Because it's merchandise and I rarely get merchandise shifts. So I bask in the few I get. Within two hours of being there in walks another Living Seas cast member and Eric L. (another Ranger), which brings us up to 4 people. Four cast members to do a job that only requires 2 at the most to do. About an hour later we had a fifth person. Five cast members. How pointless. But Eric and I had a good time. The beginning of the day went quickly. It was the last quarter of my shift that drug on.

I got home about 1830 and started a bath. When I shared the bathroom with Daniel I never bathed - only showered. It was nothing against him. I just don't feel comfortable sitting in a tub that I'm sharing with a "stranger". So after he left I scrubbed and scoured the tub. So tonight I figured I better get on last bubble bath in before I get the new roommate on Monday. Almost immediately after entering the heavenly wonder that was my bath the phone rang. It was Casey. He was calling to see what he and I's plans were going to be for the evening. We discussed them and I got back to my relaxing. Within ten minutes the phone rang again. It was Shawna. She has finally called. =o) We talked for over an hour. It was nice. She had to go into a late shift at work and I had to get going to meet up with Casey.

Casey and I decided on food and a movie. We ate at the little cafe at Virgin records and then walked around Downtown Disney for an hour until the start of our movie. We had decided to watch National Treasure. It was a good movie but I tend to be bias when it comes to movies of that genre because I like them. I'm not saying it was a great movie but it wasn't a bad movie by any means. I liked it and will probably see it again before it leaves the theatre. The movie that I want to see the most is Finding Neverland. But it only has one show time at the theatre here. So it's gonna be rough to find an opportunity.

I work tomorrow at 1400-2230. That's the perfect custodial shift. =0\ We shall see. We shall see.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Hmmm

Education is not the taming or domestication of the soul's raw passions -- not suppressing them or excising them, which would deprive the soul of its energy -- but forming and informing them as art. -Allen Bloom


Yesterday:

I woke up at 7 as usual in order to talk to Daniel. =0) I had to be at work at 1230 so until I had to leave I worked on my web site. My site needs some updating and revamping. But don't go looking for the changes yet because I've not yet published the changes. I plan on doing it all at once. -Anyway- I went to work at 1230. On my way in I had the sudden notion that I wasn't going to be to fond of my deployment. I was right. I was deployed to bussing at Electric Umbrella (EU). Another custodial shift. Starting to get them a lot again. A regular custodial shift I can handle but bussing I hate. I was scheduled until 2100 but I got an ER and left at 1830, so I was home in time to watch SURVIVOR. LeeAnn came over and watched SURVIVOR with me. I had asked her over to watch CAMP. She likes independent movies and musicals so I figured she would enjoy it. She did. After the movie and after she LeeAnn left I headed to bed because I was wanting to get some sleep in before getting up at 7 to speak with Daniel.

Today:

My alarm went off at 7 but since Daniel doesn't get home until 730 or so I reset my alarm to go off at 745 but didn't urn it back on. So the next thing I know it's nearly 10. I had to be at work at 1130 so I needed to catch to the 1020 bus. So I rushed around and ran out the door to get to work. I made it. I waited until the last moment to check to see where I was deployed to. Robert was doing the deploying so I figured I was in trouble. I was semi-right. I was sent to Sunshine Season Food Fair. I don't mind it there. What does bother me is that The Land contains most of the crazies in Disney World, so I get annoyed. I was there with Marvarine and Sally. So I had some company. =0) My day went rather fast. It was, in all a good day. I came home to the final half hour of Joan-of-Arcadia and then watched I Am Sam. Yet another good father movie to rub into my face the lack of a caring father. Ugh. I talked to my mommy for a while tonight. I do love her.

Now it's time for Dustin to head to bed.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Like sands thru the hour glass

"People sometimes say that the way things happen in the movies is unreal, but actually it's the way things happen to you in life that's unreal..."-Andy Warhol

Today I had off. I called in for a shift but they had nothing open. As a matter of fact they couldn't find homes for the Rangers who were scheduled so I stayed at home.

The housing people came by and inspected my room and bathroom and all that jazz for the possibility of a new roommate. Well the possibility is no longer. It's a positivity. He arrives on Monday.

John and I went to Downtown Disney. He wanted to go to Virgin and road along. I was wanting to go as well to look for and possibly buy a movie or two. And that's what happened. I bought two: CAMP and Life as a House. My main reason for buying Life as a House was because John hadn't seen it and I was trying to explain it to him (since it is one of my favorite movies). And my reason for buying CAMP was because I had heard it was good and it looked interesting. Plus, I enjoy independent films.

John and I watched Life as a House when we got home. He thought it was good. I've not met one person who didn't like it. It's about so many things, both obvious and underlying. It's the father to son relationship development in the movie that I feel the most emotional about and attached to. I don't feel as if I have ever had any type of relationship with neither of my fathers, biological or step.

In some ways I wish I did have a relationship with my biological father. What child wouldn't? But yet, why would any child want a relationship with someone who so easily abandoned them. It was so easy for him to walk away. How? Why was it so easy for him to walk away from my mother in a pregnant state, yet marry a woman who bore him three children. Even after my birth and his accidentally comforting me he was capable of walking away with out so much as a glance back. Then came my attempt to contact him and his refusal and denial of my existence. It hurts. I know I shouldn't let it. But I'm only human.

As for the relationship with my step-father. Well, I'd rather I didn't have one than to have the one I do. Growing up he was always so mean my me. I know how whinny that must sound. The truth of the matter is simply that he indeed treated me in the cliche way a step-father would treat the step-son. Nothing I did was ever right nor could it ever be right. He didn't take any time to bond with me in any sort of caring way. He insulted me in every way possible. Nothing compares, though, to the physical insults I endured. Now in these times I know that children are claiming false physical abuse from a parent or both, but I am not one of those children. The beatings happened. The pain was more than real. The scars exist. The memories are forever.

As I look back on my life and recall the events that have brought me to where I am today, molded me into who I am, and I can't help but to fall prey to the cynical thoughts of disbelief that many people have to think when listening to my sob stories: "Wow, Dustin, you sure have had a lot of things happen to you. How could one person have been through so much?" The truth is, I don't know why all that had to happen to me. The only answer I can come up with is this: It had to happen to someone. Why not me? Obviously I was strong enough to endure and still become a good person. There are those who take the lessons of life and turn them into negatives. Why let something continue to rot away at your inner self and why allow it to make you a bad person? With every new trama life brings my way I adapt and over come. I don't have a choice. I have to be strong. For my family. For my mother. For myself.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

It's an Epidemic

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. -Robert Frost
Yesterday:

I had to be at work at 10 am. I walked in and Brian (a deployment assistant) asked if I was going to custodial. I said I didn't know and he asked if I was going to bust some heads if I was. He referring to the day before when I had a little something to say to Robert about sending people to custodial every freaking day. -Anyway- I was not sent to custodial. Frankie and I were deployed to Innoventions. I was finally able to use the special training I have. Dustin was content. At first I was annoyed because I was being tasked. Then I was sent to the Segway venue. And then tasked again, so I had them check my proficiencies and discovered I was down as a presenter instead of host. They fixed it and then I was bouncin' around like a Cuban on raft in a monsoon. It was a good day. Dustin was happy. I finished work at 1830 and headed out. Tim gave me a ride home, so I didn't have to ride the bus. He hung out here until 2200 when I had to get ready for Pleasure Island (PI). I enjoy my Monday nights with LeeAnn. Makes Dustin happy. It was one of the better times at PI. I came home and passed out around 3 am.

Today:

I set my alarm for 7 am so that I would be up for when Daniel got off work so that I would be able to talk to him. We talked for about an hour or so before he had to head out to run some errands. He said he'd call me later on today. He never did. I'm going to stop believing people when they tell me that they're going to call. They never do. I've never had such a problem with people not calling. I'm going to start getting a complex. You know the one.

At 9 am I called into work to see if there was a shift available. All the ones that were open were sucky shifts. I know... I know. Beggars can't be choosy. Well this one is, damn it. So Troy told me to call back at 11. But within that 2 hours I had made plans with my friend Neal. So I called at 11 and to let them know instead of leaving them hanging. Well Neal had a few errands to run before coming over. So he was going to call me when he got done. He called in the middle of them to tell me that they were taking longer than expected and he'd give me call this evening. Which was fine because I had some things around the apartment that needed done. I have the inspection tomorrow for the new roommate. Well... guess what. Neal never called back. Dustin is saddened that a general lack of courtesy is becoming an epidemic.

About the new roommate situation. I'm not to fond of the prospect. I've had my own room now for 3 months and I'd like to keep it for the rest of my stay. They tried to move one in before but he was out within an hour. Natalia is up for one as well and said that she gets the inspections all the time and never gets a new roomie. Well I have a hunch that this time is different. Mainly due to the fact that Disney is bringing in their annual batch of Peruvians and Brazilians. They come in every November and work until January. Their short time status disqualifies them from living in The Commons so they will be put in Chatham and/or Vista. So, I'll probably be getting a South American roommate in the next week or so. Ugh...

Since I had awaited Neal's call I spent most of the day lounging around the apartment. John and I went to Wal*Mart. He needed to some grocery shopping and I needed to pick up a few things. I bought a new battery for my camcorder. The old one would not hold a charge for any amount of time. I had also bought some body wash, bubble bath and some isopropyl alcohol. That was the extent of Dustin's shopping spree. John had decided that he wanted to do his shopping at Publix (a Riverside of sorts, for those of you in the north). To Publix we went. While their I had decided that I was definitely going to decorate for Christmas. John said he'd go in for decorations. Now if we can get dumbass ...err... I mean Jason to get on board. He probably won't. And what about the preferences (religious, holiday, etc...) of the new roommate?

Sunday, November 14, 2004

I had better be a diamond!

The gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials. -Chinese proverb

Today was one of those not so pleasant days in life. I hate working in the PM. It makes Dustin very unhappy. I'm not used to it for one. All those years in school. Then the army. Then I was the 7-3 manager at the restaurant. I'm a an AM worker and a PM player. I just get cranky if I have to work at night. Anyway. I was to work 1430-2230. I get into work and surprise. Robert deployed me to custodial. Dustin's custodial days are back. I'm about to get really pissed off. Then Ashley noticed that my ass was extended. Oh hell no. Dustin not happy. Well I went into the office and gave them a choice: remove the extension or ROS (Release of Shift, for those non-Disney readers) me. They didn't want to send me home so they removed the extension. The custodial managers actually sent me home at 1800, anyway. Thank goodness.

I may be feeling better but I'm still not feeling all that well. I can just now breathe and speak better since the selling is gone. I'm still sick. Now it's just flu sick, though, with a little of the infection pains and aches thrown in. The medication the hospital gave me seems to be working slowly. It does seem to be making me very tired. Vicodin makes me so tired for some reason. The the antibiotics. Ugh...

I came home and tried to salvage my evening but I just wasn't feeling it. I tried to watch a movie but then passed out on the couch and just woke up at midnight. I'm to b at work at 1000. That's a little better. It's not my 830 shift but it'll do. Daniel called me today. It seems he was at his grandparents and he doesn't get cell phone reception there, so he didn't get any of my messages until this evening.

Shawna has yet to call me. She rarely calls me when she says she's going to anymore. She's busy, I know she is. She has been. We both are. I miss her. I need her. 50 days to go and I'll be home. 51 days til my birthday. It'll be a great gift to see my family & friends. Hopefully she'll be there and not in Ohio.

To bed I go. Dustin so sleepy.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Irritated

"I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx


It happened again. I was in the middle of typing up a nice long heart felt post and I have no idea what happened but poof the window closed and it was gone. To sum it up:

As for yesterday:
~I went to the character brunch in the morning.
~Came back to my apartment and hung out until time to schedule my classes.
~I only got one class that I needed and wanted so I'm 9 credits short for my education major and 8 short for my psych major.
~Rested to save my voice and heal plus I was irritated because if the class situation.
~I didn't post last night because I was taken to hospital. (Thanks again, Dev. And to you Jenn & Sarah for being there with and for me).
~I told off the hospital financial & business manager.
~Voice came back.
~I came home passed out.

As for today:
~Jenn and I went to Wal*Mart.
~Filled my prescription for vicodin and keflex.
~Did some grocery shopping.
~Did laundry.
~Shawna was supposed to call and didn't.
~Daniel didn't call to check up on me.
~Mommy did call and we talked for over an hour.
~My sister is cause major stress to the family just like she always has and always will.

I'm now off to bed. I'm so sleepy.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Stupid Roomie

"Maybe this world is another planet's Hell."- Aldous Huxley

So today I woke up 2 hours before I needed to be at work. Not a big deal. I wanted to be sure that I was able to relax in my bath and try and take care of my mouth and all the pain that it is in.

I get to work and as soon as I get there Troy announces to me that the word of the day is custodial. What else is new. That's the fourth time this week. Sure let's send the sick and dying boy to play with chemicals. I was slightly bitter at first. Now I'm just annoyed. I didn't do anything. I refuse. I'm done caring. It really was an uneventful day. I worked with Robert and Sarah Sellari. I enjoy her greatly. She's a good time.

After work I came home to watch Days of Our Lives and Survivor. While I was laying on the couch Jason comes running thru the door. I can't even die in peace. He was wanting to watch a football game. Who the hell does that? Can you not see that I am laying here watching something... it's not like I watch TV all the time, so if I'm watching it then you know it's kind if important. Ask me to turn it to football... what he hell is wrong with him. He has no life. None. Football runs what little he does. He needs to realize that he is NOT the only person who lives here. He's also all the time turning down the AC to below 60. I'm a big fan of the AC but I don't want it to frost over in my apartment. He's so obnoxious.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm going out tonight. I want to but don't feel like it. I feel like poop. I don't think I will.

Tomorrow I schedule classes. Wish me luck. I need lots of it.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Do I not understand?

Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is alwayssomeone to tell you you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to the end, requires some of the same courage which a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men to win them. -Emerson

I had to be at work at 930 today but I wanted to go in early to either get started early and/or to beg for an office job today. Well neither happened. I was deployed to World Showcase custodial. WSC custodial is not that bad. It's actually very lax. Allison, Robert, Sally and Eric O. were also sent to WSC custodial, so I had company in the break rooms. Yes, I said break rooms. When we first got here I actually cared and wanted to do the job but then I realized that the full-time custodial cast members were sitting back and watching the Rangers do the work. Complaining got us no where. If our leaders don't care why should we? So we joined the custodial ways. Well, not all of us. There are those who still go above and beyond but then you should see who they are, lol.

Allison had made mention that she had wanted to see The Incredibles and so I was like let's go tonight. And so there we had it - a plan was made. Eric L. and Natalia came into the deployment office and so we invited them. And there we have it - a double date. I love Natalia and love hanging out with her. She's from NJ, so I'll be able to keep in touch with her easily after this is all over. Anyway, we had decided to see the 2200 viewing of the movie. Allison and I were off by 6 and were on time. Eric was barely on time and Natalia was no where near on time. We rushed to make it on time but when we got there the previews started. Dustin hates missing the previews (they're almost the best part of any movie) and Allison hates going in after the lights have went down. Eric and Natalia still insisted on seeing the 2200 but Allison and I were pertinacious about seeing the 2230 show. We saw the 2230 show. What's a half hour in the grand scheme of things? The movie was surprisingly good. Disney made a big mistake by letting Pixar slip though their fingers. However, the preview for their new movie (Cars) didn't look very interesting. But then it is the last movie contract they have with Disney - I'd prolly just throw out a flop in spite, lol. After the movie we came home and here I sit.

If you've not noticed almost all of my times say that I posted at 1159 Pm and it's on purpose. This way if I post after midnight the date doesn't change and I can keep better track of my blog. And by the date being the day I'm discussing helps put things in perspective for myself and the reader. So if you've noticed that's the reason... if you've not noticed then you now know a secret. hehe

*******
As a child I never wanted to come to Disney World and I never envied anyone that did come. For some reason it was never very appealing to me. Even my siblings never wanted to come. There are several reasons that this could be. To this day my family isn't all about coming. When my mom came down my brother is the only one that wanted to come. And that was to see me not to be at Disney World. My sisters couldn't have cared less about coming down. So now that I am here - I still don't understand what is so big and so spectacular about it. It's kind of over priced, in my opinion. Maybe I'm just spoiled by the prices of the north. Cedar Point in Ohio is only like $30 (if even) and the rides there are fantastic. The place holds all kinds of world records. To me that's worth the money. Then there's Kennywood in Pittsburgh. They also are on the list of greatest rides ever and is still only around $20 to get in. So worth it. Then there is 6 Flags (was one in Ohio, but still one in Delaware) and the cost is around $40 - and again pretty much worth it. What does Disney World have to offer? None of their rides have ever made it on the list. I don't ever hear any of their parks ever making it on any list of the best parks in the world. Where do they get off charging the most? Maybe I just don't understand.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

I'm a Professional

A professional is someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it. -Alistair Cooke

I got up this morning at 7. My throat felt a little funny but I paid no attention to it. Because sometimes Jason has the air conditioning set to around sub zero temperatures and the chemical smell makes my throat tickle, so I blamed it on that due to it being cold in my apartment. I grabbed my shower and during the shower I realized my voice wasn't up to par. Actually it was pretty much gone. I was going to work anyway because I can't afford to call off. (Maybe if I were making $7 or $8 an hour I would be able to call off at least one day.)

So on my way to the bus stop CJ spots me and offers me a ride. We've been over this... if I take the ride I'm super early but the bus is annoying sometimes. But then it was CJ offering the ride. Oh the fun choices of life. I chose CJ. So I got to work early and Troy started me early (which is fine).

I was deployed to strollers (with Charlie & Sally) until 2. Strollers isn't that bad unless Jennifer is managing. So I get there and guess who - Jennifer. GREAT! I feel like I should be lying in a coffin, so why not have Satan on duty. Of course she puts me on POS 101. And of course I stood in that position for 4 hours. And of course she didn't make a single appearance on stage. So here Dustin stands on the edge of hell and feeling like shit with no voice to scream. Ugh... So for 4 hours I strained my voice more and more explaining the Length-of-Stay rental, giving directions and trying to make small talk (because Disney requires a constant conversation between the guest and yourself). So when it came time for my break I was excited. Well Jennifer decides to move me to valet and not give Dustin a break. Hmm... I asked her about it and she denied moving my break so I then mentioned that I had already called ATLAS and found out that my break should have been at noon. Dustin got his break an hour before his shift ended. At 2 O'clock I didn't even wait for my bump off, I bumped myself.

So I headed back to the Deployment Center to be sent somewhere for the remaining 3.5 hours of my shift. I attended a diversity meeting on Morocco. They fed me. It was good. I took a break at the library. They fed me. It was good. I then shredded paper in the ATLAS office. They didn't feed me. It was not good. I then joined Sarah on a lunch trip to the Discovery Diner where we met up with Rangers Jennifer & LeeAnn, Liberty Inn chef Cora and Food & Wine Allison. That's where I spent the remainder of my shift with friends. It was good.

I came home to find a pleasant surprise. Jason was at work on a Tuesday (mandatory 6th day). YAY! John was here. I like John. He's nice. Jason's just... well... he's odd. His oddness scares me. I spent the day slipping in and out of consciousness. It was the massive amounts of pain killers I took.

Let us hope Dustin has a voice in the morning.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Drugs are good.

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of. -Benjamin Franklin

What a wise man.

So today I had to be at work at 7 am. I was the predeployed morning custodial ranger. Supposed to be a floater but I never get floater I'm always given a zone (restrooms) or a hub (streets). Not that I actually stay where I'm supposed to. I make sure my area looks good and I'm off doing something else. It was a relatively fast day. I was zone 4 which is Living Seas restrooms. Never busy. While there I was able to preview the newest attraction that Living Seas is opening. "Turtle Talk" is an interactive interview with Crush (the stoned turtle from Finding Nemo). I was actually interesting. After my shift ended at 330 I tried to pick up another shift as to get some over time in but there were none available. To bad too, because I could use the money so I can seek some medical attention.

So I then changed and went back out into EPCOT to do some shopping for my little cousin. I needed to send something home for her. Mom forgot to buy her something when they were down. I ended up buying her a birthstone mickey necklace. Nothing to fancy. So it's on its way back to PA. After that was done and over with I went to Mexico where I got myself some Margaritas. Then home I came.

While at home I was talking with a friend about my toothache and he had some pain killers from when he had some teeth removed so he gave them to me. Oh the miracle of some strong pain killers. Then as usual, on Monday's, I went to Pleasure Island with LeeAnn. She is so fantastic. I do love her. I am going to miss her terribly come the end of the program. If there were one girl here that... well it'd be her. =o)~ She's totally the type of girl that I would date. Monday's will never be the same. Her and I have discussed me going to Boise to see her and her going to Pittsburgh to see me. It will be good time. Jihadapalooza.

Now that PI has ended, it is time for me to pass out in bed and hope to get some sleep. I do work in the morning. To me, too much sleep is a waste of time. So I never put too much emphasis on getting lots of it. Hopefully tomorrow I get sent somewhere decent. Can't be foods because I do not feel well yet I have lost my voice so interaction with the guests will be difficult. Oh what to do.... what to do.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

The direst foe of courage is the fear itself, not the object of it, and the man who can overcome his own terror is a hero and more. -George MacDonald



Omgoodness. I really am a bad blogger. Though a lot of my lacking in posting is not my fault. It's a little hard to do much of anything online when the internet is down more than it's up. Everytime I went to post, the net would stop working. So since my last post I attended a series Halloween parties with Casey. I had a good time at the parties and ran into a bunch of people I knew, including Rachael Shonk (the last of the Ranger Rachaels). You can never escape an EPCOT Rescue Ranger. We are everywhere. Then on Halloween night I went to Parliament House. My costume this year wasn't as good as past years but for a spur of the moment costume, I did well. Then we had election day. Being a Bush supporter I am pleased with the outcome. I don't trust Kerry. At least with Bush I know where he stands because he's to dumb to hide it. lol On a mutual day off Jenn, Natalia, Stewart & myself decided to go character hunting. That was a good time. I enjoy hanging out with them. On a second mutual day off Jenn & I went to downtown Disney. (Be sure to check out all the newly uploaded pictures) Other than all that not to much more has been happening.

Over the course of the past few days I've come to obtain a toothache that is gradually getting worse. Today my throat and tummy has decided to join the pain band wagon. I would love to go see a doctor but with no medical insurance and only making $6 an hour, I could never afford it. Disney offers the CP's nothing. If we get sick well that's just too damn bad. Show up for work and we'll be ok. If it weren't for the constant pain, the lack of sleep, not being able to eat or drink anything and not being able to function normally then I could handle the toothache but... it hurts. =0(

Last night I went bowling with Rangers Jenn, Sarah, Silenceux, Max, Charlie and Esmerelda. Bob & Megan from deployment later joined us. It was a good night. I believe was all had a good time. I had to work at 9 am this morning. I was sent to do Test Track Merchandise. In my condition I was not to thrilled with a high volume situation. Aaron trained me in Photo Edit and I stayed most my day doing something pertaining to photo, which was ok. I put in an ER request but it was pending right up til my bump off the clock. At least I didn't get force extended.

Between being ill and constantly being on the move the past week I've not really had much time to think or to take some me time. I just may do that tonight. It'll be good for me. More and more everyday Disney makes me want to be an alcoholic. I'm starting to get drunk almost any chance I get. I don't think I like that. Hopefully when I get home I'll be able to jump back on track. Speaking of going home. I received my passcode in the mail to schedule my classes but I forgot all my class information at home. So I had to email my academic advisor to retrieve that info but he's yet to get back to me and that was about a week ago. Luckily my mother called me and I remembered that I still had a list of classes, that I was to take this fall semester, so I had her read them off to me. So I now have everything I need to schedule my classes for the spring. Hopefully I'll be able to get the ones I need and want. Hopefully I'll be able to go home.

I miss home. I miss my mom. I miss Daniel. I miss Shawna. I miss my dog.