Congratulations Peter Jackson on the clean sweep of oscars: 11 for 11! That ties you with the other two all time greats: TITANTIC and Ben Hur.

I'm tired. So tired. School and life are becoming quite the stressful and tiring events but there is hope and a break soon. I plan on taking Spring Break and completely relaxing.

Today I had to run to Clarion to retrieve a DVD, that I'm missing from a set, from John, but alas I wasn't able to get it. It's at Rob's and no one was home and John no longer holds a key to the house. Kind of irritating. He was after me for so long to get the DVD set, the least he could have done was make sure that all of the DVDs were in it. I don't know... just common sense and courtesy I guess, which a lot of people these days have a great abundance in lacking.

For the past couple of days I've been watching The Laramie Project daily. It's such a good movie. I believe it really shows that hate does exist with in people. It mazes me how many people still don't think that people are capable of hate. Dr. Doug being one these people. Many of those who read this probably don't know who he is, count your blessings. People do hate people and are capable of killing with no remorse. People do see homosexuals as nothing more than that and lack the ability to see the human being behind the label but it goes further than that. There are many more different types of discrimination that holds the same types of feelings. Understanding and acceptance should become a lesson that parents are required to teach to themselves and their children. Is there a way that the government can regulate this? With Bush as president, never. What this country needs is someone in office that holds the core virtue which this country was founded on. Freedom and difference were the two things that attracted people to America to begin with and that's how we became a powerful nation. Now look... our country is no longer a powerful nation and that came with the countries inability to band together.

Still waiting for Shawna to call me back about the bowling thing. Hmm... should it take a week? I think not.

Sometimes in life you're too busy having a life to live your life.

I've been at Daniel's since Sunday. Between him and school I've not had much time for anything else. I had to prepare a presentation on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (which, I may post on my site). I had to do extensive reading and research on existentialism (for the third time in my life). It seems to me that no matter how much you read on the topic or how much you contemplate it, one could never fully understand or grasp the concept. I had three tests and I think that I did well on all three. I'll find out next week. Spring Break's coming up, woohoo.

I did manage to squeeze in watching "The Passion of the Christ". I do not understand what all the hype is about. It was a good movie, yes. Did it blame the Jews? No, I don't think so. Persecute them anyway =P Was it so violent I had to turn my head. No, it wasn't. I did flinch. It's just that the camera's didn't pull away at anytime so you saw the nail go thru the hand and you saw them whip him brutally. I'm not a religious person so for me the movie was a movie about one of the most popular stories ever told and I liked it.

President Bush is an idiot. Need I say more? Should a president make up words? Should the president of the free land promote discrimination? Should a president lie? Hmm... just a few contemplations.

I pose another question; should you have to ask your boyfriend/girlfriend to call you or should they take it upon themselves?

Lets talk about how irritated I am right now. I had made tentative plans with some friends that I hadn't seen in a while. Well Shawna calls me and asks if I want to go bowling. I thought about it and since I have things to do early tomorrow morning it fit my schedule a lot better than my previous plans, so I decided to go with her. She was like cool, let me call a few other people and see if they want to come and I'll call you back and give you the details. So my friends called me and I told them that I was going out with Shawna and totally cancelled on them. Well... Guess what... She never called. This is the second time in our friendship she's done this. It really pisses me off. To me it's not a very "best friend" thing to do. Hmm... Sometimes I think that I'm giving a lot more than I'm getting out of this friendship. She seems to only want to be my friend when she needs or wants something. The last time I talked to her she wanted me to take her to Butler shopping. Then today I just know that I was another means of financial gain to pay for the lanes at the alley. Which isn't a big deal but it becomes one when that's the reason I was invited. I've noticed this about our friendship quite some time ago but failed to bring it up to her during our last "heart to Shawna" conversations. I figured I was just being weird but I wasn't. She never seems to want to take any blame for our friendship being on the fritz but in reality most of it does fall on her. I'm the one always calling her just to get a can I call you back? Or I'll leave a message for her to call me and nothing... So do I need to face the reality that our friendship is ending? I don't want to, I'm not ready. Our friendship wasn't supposed to end ever, let-alone end like this. I can't pour out my heart to her anymore in one of those "save the friendship" talks. It seems to me that if you are at a point in any relationship that you need to have a "saving" talk then it's over and the people involved should throw in the towel. It's hard for me, tho, because of all the time, energy and emotions that I put into any form of a relationship/friendship that I have. I know Shawna's the same way, so maybe that's the only reason our friendship hasn't crumbled down around us yet, even tho it's cracked the whole way thru. I think from this point on I'm not going to make any effort to see if she makes any and see how much value she places on someone she calls her sole mate.

Since I cancelled my plans and Shawna never called me back I ended up spending the entire day at home. All dressed up with no where to go. :( Some good did come of today, tho. I worked ahead in all my classes. I figured since I had some time do some work now and save some time later for when I may not have it.

My sister and her husband left Thursday night. They decided to spend a few days at his parents. They'll be back Monday but that's ok because I'm leaving tomorrow and not returning til Thursday. YAY!! I need a vacation. The kitchen remodeling is almost complete thus begins the bathroom work. Woohoo.

I've been thinking that I spend a lot of time in front of a computer, whether it be for class or amusement, mainly class. Even during some of my classes I'm sitting at a computer. Anyway... My point being that I really need to break away before I become any more brain stale than I already am. I need to get out and get some physical activities going on to get my body in better shape. I've been working out but tomorrow it goes full force.

and that's all she wrote. Today was ok but tonight was irritating. 1 star

Today I feel pretty. :) Yes, pretty. I didn't wake up feeling that way, though. My sister and her husband have moved in for a few weeks til their house is done being... well whatever it's being. So they're here with the nephew, ugh. Ok, so the nephew is cute and all but not at 6 in the morning screaming for no reason with his stupid mother being all loud. WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE HERE?!? She didn't want to be here when she lived here, why the hell does she have to come back and torture the rest of us that still do live here? She's not even the worst of the two, her dumb husband (Mike) is. I can't even begin to explain how stupid he is. He truly is indescribable. He's kinda like... uhmm... 50X worse than Gilligan and uglier than sin. Fat, slobby, trashy and stupid. Grr...

Anyway... our house is under construction so it makes the living quarters a bit tight but I'll survive. I can't say as much for any one else. :) Today I did my daily thing and watched Ellen at 11. I love her!! Did some homework between 12 & 2. Watched Passions and Days of Our Lives. I then got my second shower of the day to head out and do a bit of pampering for myself. I deserve it. I got home in time to watch The Bachlorette and The Mole. I got even closer to finishing up on all the reading I have to do for my English. I'll be caught up by tomorrow. If I wasn't such a procrastinator. :) Plus I chose such a heavy work load of classes. I'm taking more credits than I need and all the classes are advanced something or other. Blah, so lotsa reading and lotsa writing. Oh well. A good education is hard to come by.

and that's all she wrote. Today was blissful (anxiously awaiting Sunday) 5 stars

Ok to catch you up. Not much happened on the 10th. I went to class and you know how Tuesdays are... all day long. So I come home and went to bed cause I was tuckered. On the 11th I did some home chores and ran a few errands before heading off to Erie to do some shopping. While there I hung out with Jason whom I hadn't seen in a long time. We ate at The olive Garden and just hung out. It was nice. The 12th was another fun day at school. I skipped my first class (Religious Studies) so I could sleep in because I hadn't gotten home til late the night before. I went to my all my other classes though. I had a test in my Educational Psychology class (which I got back today: 84%). I then came home and got here just in time to watch Survivor. So I watched my reality TV and went to bed. Friday is a blur. I'm not sure what happened... oh Daniel came up that afternoon and we went to see "50 FIRST DATES". Then Saturday, Valentine's Day, was great. I had a wonderful day. One of the best Valentine's Days ever. Sunday we... well I don't remember... oh, we didn't do anything. We both stayed in to finish our homework. Monday he left for school and I stayed up to make sure I would be able to get everything done that I hadn't been able to get done over the weekend. So I worked diligently on my Psych paper (that was due today) and my reflections for Comm. I also had a ton of reading to do for English plus study for a history exam. Well I didn't do all of that but most of it. :) I watched my reality TV and went to bed.

Today I woke up refreshed and ready to go. I got to school in no time it seemed. My religious studies prof is a little odd but I love him anyway. That class will never cease to amaze me. English went fast and that brings me to the torture of the centuries History, GOD, how I HATE that class. I simply do not understand what that prof has going through his mind... actually I don't think he knows either. It's bad when a in-class-tutor is completely lost. She's there to observe the class and offer help to any student who may need it. Well I hope she's ready to make her days 26 hours long. :) We took our first exam of the semester in History today. It was awful. If the prof would teach what he wants us to know instead of what he thinks would be prudent to a historian. I think he's making the assumption that everyone in his class wants to be a historian... well I don't. Anyway, I may have gotten a "B". Psych was fun as usual. Comm drags on forever too. I stayed after class to finish up some class work. I then went out to dinner with a friend, another Jason. (I know soo many). On the way home I got stuck by a horrible accident. It took forever for them to clean it up. I made it home and now here I am. Getting ready for bed.

and that's all she wrote. Today was long. 3 stars

I just wanted everyone to know that I have not forgotten about my journal. Life has been keeping me busy. I will however take the time tomorrow to publish the last 5 days' posts. :)

Isn't the range of feelings that we human beings have the capacity of feeling simply amazing. I know I'm amazed by the fact that one emotion can just move right in and take over the rest and leave not a trace behind. Like for instance:

Today I was having a good day. Got up early and did my morning routine and a few extras before watching Ellen. After Ellen I left and went to the bank and then to the library where I did some research on Fetal Alcohol Sydrome. While there I also picked up a book called "The Mysteries of Pittsburgh" (an insightful book of one mans journey to Pittsburgh). It's not like I don't have a heavy enough work load, I have to get some fun reading. I came home helped a friend with their taxes after watching Days of Our Lives. Then while watching Oprah I started my homework for tomorrow. The rest of the day just consisted of me doing my homework off and on. Then I caught my two Monday night reality shows; Fear Factor and Average Joe. I was in such a good mood. I had a great day. I was feeling all happy and loving. You know all warm and fuzzy. Right now I feel nothing but ANGER and HURT. I will leave it at that.

and that's all she wrote. Today was great til the end (a good movie gone terribly wrong) 4 stars

Since I posted that my life was one adventure after another I've not had one. My days feel empty now. :^P Not really. It's kind of nice to be with out some big drama. Ah, drama the side kick to every non-breeder.

It's recently come to my attention (yesterday) that someone is delving into my diary to find answers to a question which can not be answered here. They want to know why I am who I am. So I want to clear this up for everyone... you will not discover my past in this nor will you find out why I am who I am but you will find out who I am. Make sense? lol

I also want to discuss something else. I am human and am subject to the variety of human emotions that each and every one of us so wonderfully posses. I am allotted to have times of sorrow and moments of grief when I feel I should. When I have reason to be overly happy I will be and I'll express it but just because one doesn't express joy doesn't mean that they have none.

Oh and I was lookin cute today. ;^)

and that's all she wrote. Today was a happy day. 4 stars

I should be happy that it's Friday because the weekend started, but my weekend started yesterday. Woohoo. I'd be more excited if I didn't have so much make-up work to for my classes because of the damn snow. But alas in order to better myself to help further in the bettering of society I must fulfill my educational requirements. Who knew that going back to school would be so rough!?!

So today was actually a good day. I got up and watched my Ellen. I do love her! Then I grabbed a shower. I wanted to do some shopping but couldn't get a hold of Shawna and never thought to call her mom's looking for her. Silly me! Sometimes I can be so flighty. Anyway, I didn't do the shopping that I had my heart set on doing. I do need to get it done though, Valentine's Day is just around the corner. I had also intended on taking my mommy grocery shopping but I changed my mind after my shower. I simply didn't feel like going out in the icky weather. It rained all night last night and most of the day today. I did watch Days of Our Lives today. I'm not sure how I feel about the new story line with Marlena. I did some home body work that I have been wanting to do but haven't felt up to par. Speaking of which, I was feeling a little under the weather for a few days but I'm over it. Yay!

I mentioned yesterday about my diminishing relationships. I slept on it and today reflected up on it and I must write a rebuttal on that statement. They aren't diminishing. They've just lapsed and for good reason. Lack of time and commitment to them. I realize that I'm not as committed to those relationships as I was at one point and thought I remained. Well today I put it on the mend and began to put some energy into saving them. People may say that you shouldn't have to work in keeping friendships/relationships but I say this to that: What in life come easy? Isn't the valuable things in life that people strive for on a daily basis? We may have a different opinion on what's valuable but none-the-less it's the precious things in life that one must work on attaining and to me friendships and relationships with the people I hold dear are worth it. So as of today I'm going to make more time for my social life with my family and friends.

I think I may be mis-representing myself on this journal. I've been presenting myself as being drab and dreary and I want everyone to realize a few things. This particular journal has just began and it began at a point in my life when big transitions were taking place. It was just after the holidays, which in the past had been a rough and difficult time for me, but these past couple of months have been different. My family has been treating me different... better. Transitions have been taking place not only with in me but for me. More of my family has become more accepting. Then going back to school was a little rough. Things with my best friend had been sticky. I've been on an emotional roller coaster. I've recently "encountered" someone that has shown me the slow process that is the movement towards equality in human life and existence, so that has also been on my mind and flooded back some horrible memories during a time when I was susceptible. But everything is getting better and smoothing out. I'm gaining my cool back and in a few days I'll be my every so obnoxiously optimistic self once again. I can promise you this. There will be more posts of sadness and sorrow and there will be some of joy and happiness. I lead a somewhat normal life in the regards that I am just as susceptible to emotions as the next person.

I would like to bring up a TV show (go figure :P) that I try to regularly watch on Friday nights. JOAN OF ARCADIA It's truly a good show. Though I'm not much into religion; and the show does revolve around the idea that God speaks to this teenage girl, it does have other schemes and agenda's that I must profess are truly inspirational. I would love to discuss the contents of tonight's episode but it would do the story line no justice and it wouldn't have the same effect on people as if they watched it.

and that's all she wrote. Today was good. 5 stars

Well I made it to class today. Fun times, fun times. I've decided that I absolutely hate my history class. The professor is just a complete idiot. He's so passionate about history. Generally it's a good thing to like your job but it;s to the point where he's willing to risk life and limb to teach therefore having us risk the same to get to a class where no one understands what's going on. I have a feeling not to many people are going to pass his class.

Today flew right by. In psych class I was feeling like a social butterfly but after I got home I just wanted to be left alone. I don't feel like being bothered with people tonight. I just want to be anti-social. I'm not sure why. So many things could have a possible cause.

One thing that bothers me the most is when the people that are supposed to care the most about you are the ones who are bringing you down. For instance in the case of John and I. He insisted that he was better then I. Of course he never had the guts to say it to my face but he told his friends. How could one claim to care so much and fight to hold onto someone that is 'so much lower?'

Fear has crept back into my life. Fear of being hurt and hurting others. I'm not sure where I'll be by the end of this year but I have a huge suspicion that it's not going to be anywhere near where I want to be and not with anyone that I want there. As my friendship with Shawna is back on the incline my relationship with everyone else (including my family) seems to be diminishing. There is no correlation with the two, just a coincidence. Losing any relationship would be devastating. I dunno... my minds to much of a whirl to make sense of any thought.

and that's all she wrote. Today was a rollercoaster of emotions. No stars assigned.

Ok so today was Wednesday. That means that I have no classes and you would think that one would sleep in. Seems to me that I have a slight problem with that. I can't. I never make it past 9, ever. Oh well. I woke up and was all refreshed. I did my daily routine of doing nothing but watching Ellen, Passions, Days of Our Lives and Oprah. Tho while doing those things I was doing some productive work on the computer.

Daniel showed up at around 2:00. That was great. We had made plans to go shopping with Shawna and that's why he came up. So... now I should never in my life complain that I led an unadventurous life. Every time I leave my home I have an adventure. Daniel and I set out to go pick up Shawna but alas we got stuck on the way. So here we are on a back road in the middle of no where, it's getting dark, and we're stuck. It was my fault, I told him to turn right and not left... I just wanted to clear that up. So after 30 minutes of struggling I call Shawna and let her know that we're stuck when her mom suggests tree branches under the tires (SMART THINKING!). Ok.. to get to the branches... here I am literally waist high in a snow drift along the road trying to rip branches off the evergreen. Uhmm.. so I yank on the branch and **PUFF** all this snow just come crashes from the branches right onto me. I'm thinking this is great amusement but Daniel is pissed off. I get the branches and we get out. We decide to see a movie instead of shopping because it got so late.

At some point Daniel and I became irritated with each other over dumb stuff. So a fight starts. I'm not placing the blame on either on of us. We were both at fault. That's the thing that most people refuse to accept that in an argument both parties are responsible. Either one of them can stop it but they hold up their end and keep it going. I felt terrible for the way our night was ending. I don't like it when we're not talking. He is my male best friend and I refuse to lose that over dumb stuff. People need to start looking at things in a broader sense (myself included) and realize that the moment isn't all there is. There is a history and a future. Is one willing to give all that up over the present? I'm not. My relationships with people mean too much to me as well as my future happiness.

Daniel and I talked and somewhat made-up. I'm not fully satisfied with how we left things but tomorrow is a new day.

and that's all she wrote. Today was full of lessons, laughs, and love. 4 stars

So today I woke up on time all ready to jump in the shower when mom tells me to look outside. SNOW! More damn snow. We do not need any more snow. So needless to say I went back to bed figuring I'll go to my later classes but IUP cancelled all their afternoon classes. So alas another day off. I stayed in bed til 11 when I turned on Ellen. I worked on some catch-up homework, watched Passions and Days of Our Lives and then finished up my homework that was emailed to me.

I then decided to go for a walk and enjoy the beauty that is the winter. I took my camera to capture some of the great sights. So, while out and about I almost got attacked by a dog. I would have if not for the car that came around the corner and hit it. I've never been so happy to see a dog hit by a car. :) I came home and lounged around. During the winter it sucks living way back off the main road. Impossible to go anywhere. They should do something about the roads, damn it.

My back has been causing me some real issues for the past couple of days. I'm not sure what's going on. It hadn't been hurting for a while. I'm not sure what caused it to start acting up again. I just hope that it's not what my mom has wrong with her back. I am not looking forward to that kind of pain.

and that's all she wrote. Today, as usual, was mediocre. 3 stars

Friday- Shawna and I went to Butler shopping. Talk about sales... Who knew they were having such great ones. Afterwards her and I went across the parking lot to Eat 'N Park to grab a late dinner. We think our server was born on with a crack pipe. I then spent Friday night at Shawna's house. The day was good. So glad that Shawna and I are back on the right track.

Saturday- I woke up to being hurried to get ready in a blaze so that Shawna and I could catch a noon movie with her mom. We dropped "mom's" car off at Monroe and I took us up to the mall for the movie. Afterwards we did a little browsing of the mall. Apparently tis the season for sales and someone forgot to give me the memo. I took "mom" back to Monroe to pick up her car and then Shawna and I went to Wal*Mart and then back to her house. There we called the bowling alley but lanes were full. We watched Gosford Park while Shawna made Becky's bridal bouquet. I got ill and headed home.

Sunday- I spent the day with Daniel. YAY. We didn't do much but that's ok. Just spending time with him is of great magnitude for me. Another day of shopping for me and again with the sales. I this keeps I may soon have a complete new wardrobe. We went back to his place worked on some homework and then watched the Super Bowl. Fun fun. Love the commercials. The highlight of the evening would be Survivor All-Stars premier. It pissed me off and I think I may boycott the show now. We then went to bed.

I came home this morning. The drive was fast I didn't have much time to think about anything. Life's thoughts are fleeting and far between for me lately. In some ways this is good because I'm not dwelling on things that have the potential to depress me. But at the same time I don't have time to reflect upon the positives. Not much worth mentioning happened today. I went to the library to work on some homework, to Clarion for printer ink and home to finish my homework. Watched Fear Factor and Average Joe. Grabbed a quick shower and here I am writing this and talking to Daniel on the phone.

and that's all she wrote. Today was mediocre. 3 stars