Posting Issues

I was in the middle of posting when something went wrong and half my post came up missing. I don't have the ambition nor the strength to re-write it all tonight. But I have saved what I had left and will finish it tomorrow and post it.

2 For 1

"The greatest pleasure I know is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident." -Charles Lamb

I've not posted in 5 days. The reasons being mostly that I've been buy with life. As you know the end is almost here. I finish my program in 7 days. So for the past week I've been trying to squeeze everything, that I've not yet had the opportunity to get done. That quest continues everyday after work. I only have one more day off, January 1st, before heading home on the 4th. Happy Birthday to me. You get to spend it in an airport, all day. Once I actually get back into Pennsylvania, I still have no idea how I'm getting from Pitt International to home.

I highly doubt Daniel's going to do anything for me. He's been trying to weasel out of anything that has me involved. Anytime we speak on the phone anymore he becomes surly with me. I can't believe that it's come to this... That we've become digressed so much. There isn't much I can do until I get home and that's only if he's willing to and capable of being a friend. We'll see.

For the first time I plan on posting twice in a day. I finish here for now and head off to work. Then later I'll finish and catch you up. TTFN

Ticket Bought

.
He said: "Just think it over, and write me a list,
"So we can figure out what we both deserve.
"She hardly could believe it, that their love had come to this:
Dividing an' deciding his and hers.
But she grabbed a paper napkin, an' asked the waitress for a pen.
An' one by one, she wrote down what she wanted most from him.

"Honesty, sincerity, tenderness and trust.
"A little less time for the rest of the world,
"And more for the two of us.
"Just like it used to be."
"Kisses each mornin', 'I love you's' at night,"
The way life was when you were in love with me."

"Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others." -David Seabury

Well, it's done. I finalized my flight arrangements. My ticket is bought and confirmed. Wow. I'll finally be done with this program in 13 days. If I don't have to work on the 2nd then my last day of work will be Dec 31st and I'll be out at 8:30.

Can't wait to get home and be home for my birthday. Yet, scared. What will I be leaving behind? What will I be going home to? Who will I be gong home to? What does life have in store for me next?

Consider

"Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without
forgetting." ~Elizabeth Bibesco

I received two comments to my last post. The one comment I'm fully aware of whom it was posted by. The second post was left anonymously. I'm not a big fan of anonymous posts. I think one should own up to anything they have to say. So I ask that if you're going to make a comment then please post your name... or some way of letting me know who it was left by.

Let me address the mysterious commenter's post: If someone or something is able to come between two people, it isn't the sole responsibility of the object/person doing the wedging nor does it fall on wither of the people. It is split amongst all involved equally. The friends, lovers, etc... should have faith and strength enough in the "relationship" to not allow it to be segregated. They should try and seal up any crack that begins to form before it gets out of control. Now there may have be some sacrifices on either side if not both but lets be realistic about it and keep the sacrifices realistic. They both should have compassion and consideration for the other not to mention to take into accountability everything. It's human nature to over look some things especially things dealing with one's own self. Now I am not blaming anyone or pointing fingers at anyone but I just want you to understand that there are many possibilities and things to take into consideration when deciding on if someone/something truly came between people.

My time in here in Disney World is coming to a close and quickly. I now have two weeks to go before I need to be departing. But for now I'm here, still awaiting a call from Daniel. He needs to call my ass so I know what's going on with my getting home and when I'm coming home. I'm either going to be leaving on my scheduled day or a week earlier. It's truly up to him and when he's able to come down. I've tried to contact him by as usual all my attempts are failures and as usual he never corresponds back.

I have been thinking about my previous post and everything I implied there in. Though it's a tough decision I'm pretty sure that I myself will not have to make the decision. I have a feeling that it will be made for me. I know it's not truly a fair way to make the decision because it shows a lack of respect and and over all display of empathy but I promise you that isn't the case. It will just be easier on everyone and it'll be life's course. Though I'm pretty sure what's going to happen and it won't take too long after I get home for everything to fall into place. I have faith and trust in them and I'm still trustworthy. They both mean so much to me on two completely different levels. I just hope I'm making the right decision and hope that they continue to trust me with this decision.

Choices

"A peacefulness follows any decision, even the wrong one." ~Rita Mae Brown

"You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice." ~Steven D. Woodhull

"Life is the sum of all your choices." ~Albert Camus

As I'm sure you've figured out this post is going to be about the choices that one must make in their life. The hard thing about making any decision isn't actually coming to a conclusion, for your heart will always make the right one for you, it's the actual execution of the decision you've made because your heart won't let you decide and your head just keeps on thinking. Most people try and avoid having to make decisions that put them in precarious situations with any decision they make. Yet, there comes a point in one's life when it's inevitable to have to make such a decision. I've come to one.

As the time approaches for me to leave the Walt Disney World Resort behind and head back home to Pennsylvania, it is becoming time for me to make many decisions. Of all the people I have met, while on my program here, I need to decide which one's are going to be worth my time and energy in trying to maintain friendships with. There are an obvious few but still some that aren't as clean cut. I need to take into factor our friendship here, time spent together, the bond achieved, any hurt involved, distance, and whether I think they'll put forth an equal share of commitment to friendship and the maintenance involved in keeping it.

As most people, who know me, are aware of I am not one to just give my friendship and get nothing in return. I'm not one to just be able to call someone a great friend. To me friendships are built and solidified. Trust comes into play with relationships of any kind and so my issues with trust come into play. I don't trust people easily. It used to be that I would trust people until they gave me a reason not to but now they need to give me a reason to trust them. I'm also not one to give of a friendship when I'm not feeling any reciprocation. I have high standards and I expect a lot. I don't expect all parties involved to give 50-50. I expect all parties to give it all they have, a 100-100 split.

That brings me to other choices I have. When I do finally make it home, I need to decide who there is worth it. What friendships am I willing to continue? What friendships survived the time and distance? Who kept in contact and who didn't? Who made an effort and who didn't? And why or why not? The reasons behind their decisions are just as important as the decision itself.

It's time to acknowledge that needs and wants are different. It's time to realize that life itself is a luxury not a necessity and everything/everyone in it is a greater luxury. The cruel reality that is the harshness called life does not require the services of other people to exist. It's come time to take a step back and look. We don't need people but rather want people to fill certain natural needs and wants that is human nature. So who is it that we think we need in our life and what is that we truly do require to be... just to be?

It may appear that I'm being melodramatic but I'm not. I've just grown more. Growing as a person - as an individual - is part of a person evolution into adulthood and maturity. Being able to realize when one needs to make a difficult choice and execute it in order to better themselves as a human being is essential. We should all want to be better people and the reality is that we all have friends who hinder us from progressing.

The time I spent on this program has changed me - changed me forever. It's changed everyone. Whether or not the changes are drastic or are subtle doesn't change the fact that a change has occurred. If anyone leaves this program without having learned a lesson of any kind then they made no attempt to experience this program. Not all the changes that have occurred within myself are good changes nor are all of them bad changes. That's when I need to do some contemplation and decide what about me needs re-changed and/or left as is. I need to figure out what lessons I've learned here and if they help me in my quest to evolve as a human being - as a person - an individual.

When we all leave Disney head back to our respective homes we will all have to face the fact that our existence is just that an existence. For example: I realize that when I left PA it didn't pause because Dustin's not there. It kept going - progressed and digressed. Changes have occurred there as well. Everything - places, things, ideas... people - have changed. It's the time we realize that life goes on without us. We'll be heading back and jumping right back into our lives. We'll be where we left off but nothing else will be.

I've also been given an ultimatum. I can either have a best friend or a significant other. I'm supposed to choose between two different types of happiness. How can I choose? Both people are from two totally different aspect of my life yet both are very close to me. I usually choose the person who didn't make me choose but this time I can't just base my decision on that aspect alone. So much is weighing on it, for my sake. I hate that I'm in this situation and resent the fact that I was put in it. I can either try and work things out with my best friend and hope that our friendship is able to heal and surpass the level it's been reduced to and be alone. Or I could choose to try and work things out with my better half and not have a best friend. Either way I loose someone with the potential of not ending up with the one I chose anyway. I really need to think about this. All I can do is trust them both and have faith in them and hope for the best. It would be easy to say that everything will work itself out but it never does for me.

Still Speechless

I just don't know what to say. I'm still speechless. Evanescence speaks for me for the moment:

i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too
just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

Breakaway

"The best portion of a good man's life is the little, nameless, unremembered acts of kindness and love." -William Wordsworth

I'm still not ready to discuss the distress that my heart is undergoing. Plus, I'm not in the mood to be all sharing and cozy. I'm not even in the mood to be nice to people, really. But here I don't have a choice. I'm still so devastated and confused. Not to mention lost. I have no idea what's going on back home... now or when I get back there. Will I have some one there? Someone to love and love me back? I know some of you are lost on what's going on but I'll fill you in when I can understand it myself. But for now I sing:

Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I just stared out my window
Dreaming of a could-be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray

Trying not to reach out
But when I'd try to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I pray
I could breakaway

(Chorus)
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes til' I touch the sky
I'll make a wish
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I loved
I'll take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway

Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get onboard a fast train
Travel on a jet plane, far away
And breakaway

(Chorus)

Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging around wild indoors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me but
Gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway

I'll spread my wings
And I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye
I gotta take a risk
Take chance
Make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And breakaway, breakaway, breakaway

lyrics to Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson

My plea:
Please, if you still care enough to read this, call me. Let me know what your decision was. Or at least honor what we had enough to answer when I call. I miss you terribly.

To You

Though the day was very emotional for me and I could go on forever about my day and all he turmoil I'm struggling to go through. My life seems to be coming to an end and everything I hold dear seems to be excaping me through no fault of my own (that I'm aware of) I can't seem to put any of it into words but Bryan comes close I only hope you still read my journal:

"Still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss
It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this
Still holdin' on, you're still the one
First time our eyes met - same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger - wanna love ya longer
You still turn the fire on...
So if you're feelin' lonely don't - you're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good - so if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me - I know not what I do
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me - this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do
Please believe me - every word I say is true
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

Still feels like our best times are together
Feels like the first touch - still gettin' closer baby
Can't get close enough
Still holdin' on - still number one
I remember the smell of your skin - I remember everything
I remember all your moves - I remember you yeah
I remember the nights - ya know I still do
So if you're feelin' lonely don't - you're the only one I ever want
I only wanna make it good - so if I love ya a little more than I should

Please forgive me - I know not what I do
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do
Oh believe me - every word I say is true
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you

One thing I'm sure of - is the way we make love
And one thing I depend on - is for us to stay strong
With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'

Please forgive me - I know not what I do
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you
Don't deny me this pain I'm going through
Please forgive me - if I need ya like I do
Babe believe me - every word I say is true
Please forgive me - if I can't stop lovin' you
Never leave me - I don't know what I'd do
Please forgive me - I can't stop lovin' you
Can't stop lovin' you" ~Bryan Adams

An Epic

In the final analysis there is no solution to man's progress but the day's honest work, the day's honest decisions, the day's generous utterances and the day's good deed. -Clare Booth Luce

Sunday: Nothing of any importance happened. It was a pretty normal day. I was called in early as usual as of late. Which I'm fine with. When I got to work I was given a choice of where to deployed to. One of the choices was Towers. I've not been there since August so I went there. I enjoy working there. It's my second favorite place to work. However, I wasn't there for my entire shift. I was scheduled to work Mickey's Tree Lighting Treat. I was in charge of crowd control. It felt good to finally be able to be stern with the stupid people. Made me smile. From there I just came home and relaxed a bit before dying Natalia's hair. Then went over to Stewart's apartment to see Jenn & Jeremy. Oh yeah, Jeremy's back in town for a few days. Although today is his last day here. It sure was nice to see him again.

Monday: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATALIA! I was scheduled to work 7-330 on a custodial shift but I called in and took a personal day. Most of the Rangers who held any significance to me was all scheduled to do graduation. Well, I wanted to go as well, so I did. Natalia and I went over thinking we would meet up with everyone over there and hang out. We were slightly wrong. We saw everyone but they went about and did their own thing, so we did ours.

The first thing we did was to get our ears (Mickey ears with a tassel). From there we went to the college representative recruiters and talked with them about our late applications. After that we stood we in line for the henna artist. The line was relatively small at that point so we got thru quickly. Natalia got hers on her foot and I on my right arm. They both came out very nice. From there we met everyone in line to get a picture with Mickey & Minnie in their graduation garb. We each got individuals and a group. It was kind of a huge group so it was mass chaos as it usually is with us. lol. The poor photographers. Then Natalia and I went back for our 15 minute touch-up on our art work. As she was doing mine, the henna artist said that she was glad to see that all day not one person's got smudged. Me too, I wouldn't want a dyed smudge on my skin. So then we headed over to get a picture with Goofy. He smudged me, good. So after our picture he took my wrist and escorted me to the front of the line to have it fixed. Don't worry folks, it's ok. It looks good. Then it was food time after which we had decided to take a paddle boat out onto the lake. It was so nice. So peaceful. We returned to shore and headed home.

She came to my apartment and used my net before heading out to do some shopping. I also headed out to do some shopping. I needed to buy the stuff to bake her a birthday cake. Which is what I spent the rest of the afternoon doing. I made a red velvet cake. The cake itself turned out nice. Though it fell. The icing was great. Right after I got done making it I called Natalia back and invited her over. We had some cake before heading out to Chile's for dinner. I bought her her first official drink. Then it was off to drink around LBV. We went to Chevy's and then to Jungle Jim's. It's here where everyone else shows up. Tho neither of us expected anyone else to show but they all did. I'm glad too, it made her happy. After Jungle Jim's we headed to Pleasure Island to see LeeAnn and Eric O. before heading back to Jungle Jim's with Jason (& roomie), LeeAnn, and Eric O. in tow. It was a full Volkswagen. Then it was home.

I was the DD (Designated Dustin) for the night, so after I drove Natalia home I started to walk home and ran into a group of Brazilians. Had a long conversation with them and then came home and went to bed around 5 am.

Tuesday: I had to be at work at 2 pm and so I slept in until noon. Then to work I went. I got there and found out that I didn't mean to be there until 230 so I sat and read my book. When I punched in I about orgasmed. It happened. It finally happened. I was deployed to Mouse Gear for the first time since the first week of June. Work there was good. The day went by fast. The only drama was small. I had a tiff with the general tellers. They got stupid with me and mumbled some junk while walking away. I finished with the guest at hand then went over and told them what I thought about their kind. Stupid old bags. The other drama was a lost child. A very inebriated gentleman approached me about his lost 4-year old daughter. He told me that he had already contacted security and they told him to go to guest relations, so he came to Mouse Gear. He wasn't listening to anything anyone said. He then went to the cast member beside me and told her his story. Finally he decided to head to guest relations. Right after he left we found his daughter. We called guest relations to let them know and escorted the little girl there. He never showed. He lost himself. Dumbass. I don't know if they ever found his drunk ass. Work went quickly and it was time to come home. I came home and hung out all night.

During my first break, at Mouse Gear, I finished my book, Mirror Mirror. It wasn't as good as Confessions. I was slightly disappointed. The little twists it had weren't anything to rave about. It almost seems as if he only wrote it for the same of making a few bucks. I'm hoping he did a better job with Lost.

Wednesday: It was the first of my scheduled days off. I woke up early and called into deployment and asked if any shifts were open. They said there were and without asking what they were I agreed to go in. I got there at 1130. I was given a choice of a few places. I chose Pins until 9. They day itself was very uneventful. It drug on forever. It seemed as if it was never gonna end. But it eventually did.

There was one thing that happened today that makes me smile. As I was standing at the hat cart I noticed a young girl and an older lady walking towards me. I noticed the older lady looked familiar to me but paid no mind because it's a huge park and I see tons of people. She just could have been a cast member or a guest I saw a previous day. The younger girl asked me a few questions. During this time I was being bugged by the famililarity of the lady. So when the girl finished I told of my feelings. She said said not unless I've been to Pittsburgh. I was like I live near there, I go to school at IUP. She said she used to work in Clarion. I was like I live there... well Rimersburg. Then I put it al together. She used to work at the National Record Mart in the Clarion Mall. I then remembered her name. So I took off the hat I was wearing and my sunglasses and she then recognized me. It was great.


So, for the past 11 days I've been desperately trying to get in contact with home. I have been able to contact no one. The last I talked to anyone was November 27. I've left messages and got nothing in return. It seems to me that I may very well be single. I hope not. I truly hope not. I'll be crushed.

Soon. Very Soon.

Deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own. -Chinese proverb

Today I woke up earlier than I had needed because I figured that they may call me in early again, like they had been. But I kept slipping in and out of consciousness. They didn't call so it was ok. I finally drug myself out of bed with enough time to get my shower and get dressed and get to the bus with no rush. It was a lax morning.

Once I got to EPCOT, I needed to change my shoes. I then sat down by CDS to read by book until it was time to punch in. Before punching in I went into the office to check my mailbox and to check the secret santa list. 9 people have signed up so far. Even if only a few more sign up we have a decent amount. As I was heading out of the office to punch in Wendy came out of the office. We conversed for a few and then she told me where she deployed me. She said that I was the one Ranger that she wanted to give a happy home to. She failed. I was deployed to Liberty Inn - kitchen. I've never worked a kitchen shift before and here I was going to Liberty Inn which is guaranteed to be abnormally busy because of the Candlelight Procession. I wasn't angry just a little irritated. When I got there Maria was manager so I knew I was in good shape. I just explained to her the situation and I was placed on counter (I wore the knickers in case I was able to switch). Gabe then came in and all was right in the world. It was a good day. So Wendy succeeded after all. Though while I was getting checked out I saw CJ with Mouse Gear attire. Everyone knows that Dustin craves Mouse Gear. That would have made me orgasm. I do hope to get it at least once in my last 29 days.

Something that I heard about but had not yet seen was the giant ginger bread house in the the American pavilion. I never noticed it. It's because it's actually in the dining room of Liberty Inn. It's huge. Someone is actually inside it selling cider, coffee, hot chocolate, and such things of the sort. Very cute.

Nothing of any major significance happened today. We were so busy - too busy - for any drama or to dwell on any stupidness that may have been lurking about anywhere. Even my breaks were drama free. I just sat in the break room and read my little book. Let us hope that tomorrow brings us the same luck. Unlikely but possible. I am to work at 1015. But my shift is split in two. I was originally to do the tree lighting but it was changed (a few days ago) to working in Norway at the restaurant instead. So who knows what's going on with that. Miriam's an idiot and probably made a mistake. Oh speaking of the dumb ass; she came into Liberty Inn today. I just wanted to kick her. lol

Less than a month and I'll be home. Less than a month I'll be 23. Less than a month... less than a month.

The Importance of Being Earnest

"Just because someone is famous doesn't mean that they are important. Take Hitler for example. Was he essential?" -Me

I woke up at 9 like I usually do. My work schedule for the day was 1230-2100. I like to have some time to myself before going into work. But I ended up working 1030-2145. Jennifer called me in early and a series of circumstances extended me.

I was hoping that since I was called in early that my shift would be split into two different locations as it usually ends up being but this time I was needed all day at the location. I was deployed to work in the United Kingdom at the Kidcot. I had never worked Kidcot. I was excited except for wearing the stupid flag shirt. That shirt shows more man cleavage than Jessica Rabbit's dress. Anyway. CDS was having issues with me and wouldn't let me get an assignment. It had said it was too late to log in for my shift, even though it wasn't. They did an over ride but the message refused to go away. They just manually gave me an assignment. The first hour or so of Kidcot was fun. Then, 4 hours passed and I wasn't having as much fun. Children are vicious little things and not to mention the parents. Does no one teach their children patience? self-control? courtesy? any manners? But then if the parent contains none of this then how is the child expected to achieve it. I got my lunch 4 hours in. I went to the Discovery Diner and had a cheeseburger. Then back to my "fun" stop I went. Again with the horridness that is called tourists. Grown adults shove small children aside just for a stamp. C'mon people, seriously. It's Disney - expect to wait in a line for at least 5 minutes. There is no need to hit the cast member with your mask. There is no need to rip the stamper out of my hand. There is no need to help yourself to anything on my table. And there is no need to make small children cry. Three hours later I get my second break. Thank goodness. It was only a half hour though, so I was back at the table in no time. Being at that table alone (my entire shift) on an extremely busy day was no cup of tea (UK... tea... hehe). So my shift ended when the store closed and after I had more problems with CDS. I was never able to clock out. I had the hugest headache. If I had to look at one more dragon I would have gone postal. I'm not sure but I think today may very well be one of the most horrible experiences of my program - of my life. I hope to never do it again.

I came home and took some Excedrin and laid down. Natalia had called and said she was coming over so I awaited her before writing this and heading to bed. She came over and we discussed plans for her birthday. It's on Monday. She'll be 21. It'll be a good time.

I mentioned before about retyping the Secret Santa note on the door. Well Natalia and I are the ones who decided to organize this. We purposely didn't put our names on it (as being in charge) to see if anyone would sign up. We waited a few days and then signed it (on the day I typed it). We figured that if some of the Rangers knew it was on of the "popular rangers" that organized it then everyone would sign up but if they thought it was one of the "less popular" rangers they wouldn't sign up. Sounds petty, I know. But then the Rangers can be a petty group of people. I was right. There are a few who didn't sign up because they thought it was one of the "lesser rangers" who were in charge. Plus they don't want to have to run the risk of someone who doesn't like them getting their name. Are they that insecure about themselves? If so then maybe they should try to be more likeable. Or they could be mature about it and deal with it. To exclude someone out of a holiday celebration... I just have no words. How absurd. It's Christmas for crying out loud. This is a time when we should all come together, no matter how much more important people think they may be over others.

Retard Sex

Every position must be held to the last man: there must be no retirement. With our backs to the wall, and believing in the justice of our cause, each one of us must fight on to the end. -Earl Douglas Haig

I woke up at 9 o'clock today. I then grabbed my shower and got dressed for work. I was in at 11 so I needed I catch the 10 o'clock bus. I was heading out the door at 15 to 10 when I realized I didn't have my key and ID. I grabbed my ID but couldn't find my key. I franticly searched everywhere for it. I finally found it in my hamper. I then headed to the bus at 5 til 10. I made it just in time.

The bus usually gets to EPCOT 20-30 minutes before we start but if you don't catch the bus an hour before your shift then you could end up being late. Best to be safe. I went to the office and sat to read my book. I decided a while ago to stop punching in 15 minutes early. One reason being that we can't get an assignment until 5 minutes prior to the start of our shift, anyway, so why punch in early. Another reason being that we don't get paid for the 15 minutes and I'm doing nothing if I'm not getting paid. While in the office our area manager Tim came through and asked me if I was deployed. I said I didn't know yet. He looked slightly irritated and asked why I didn't know. I simply said I'm not punched in yet. He said ok and left. He can kiss my ass. The meetings we had with him have gone no where. Nothing has changed. He doesn't care and why should he? We'll be gone in a month. I hear people talk about how the company used to be a great place to work. Much better than it is now. With managers like Tim, Chris & Lynn at the helm I don't see how the company could ever regain the glory the old timers remember so fondly.

I punched in and found myself deployed to Garden Grill. I like it there. Jennifer was deploying so of course the Rangers were going to get happy homes. (She's fair and not an idiot. One of the only three in the Oz office whom I don't think is either a complete incompetent or an ass or both). Around noon I was joined by Silenceux. He's never worked there before. He now has a new favorite place to work. It's so easy to work there, plus the guest interaction there is great.

Speaking of guest interaction. I had this 55 year old guest today whom was waiting for to start seating people so he stood there and talked to me for about 20 minutes. The interest lies not in that but in the things he was saying. He was telling me all kinds of things about his sex life. How he got some last night. How masturbation is normal and everyone does it. He he would probably cheat on his wife, if he were married. How the school system is a bunch of corrupt assholes (he's an elementary janitor). Oh, and he mentioned frequently that I was a great guy. He was all sorts of oddness. Susan (manager) came over and rescued me. Thank goodness. Though, after he was seated he kept coming up to me and saying stupid things anyway. Silenceux thought it was hysterical. Susan thought he was lusting after me. Poor old mentally handicapped man. He really was special. hehe

There was a little boy whom was so hyper-active that he kept the booths beside him empty. He was all over the place jumping and screaming. In and out of the booth. He was nuts. The mother just sat there in complete silence and did nothing. She acted as if he didn't exist. So unbothered by him. Amazes me that people spoil their children so.

After more fun and interesting guest times my time to go home had come, 730. I hurried off to be sure to catch the 745 bus in order to make it home before 8. I made it home just moments before 8. I get to the apartment and it's filled with Brazilians (none of which were my roommate). One was on my laptop. One was sitting in front of the TV. Several were in Jason and John's bedroom with the radio blasting. And a few in my room. I was not going to miss SURVIVOR, so I just took over the TV and had them turn down the radio. In minutes they all left. Thank goodness. I can tell this is going to be a long 31 days.

The dishwasher was looked at again. It is still broken, yet they say it works. I'm so on the verge of being really pissed off. I'm paying $80 a week for rent which is at least half (more sometimes) of my paycheck every week. The least they can do is fix the damned dishwasher. Two or three days ago they fixed my broken window from Hurricane Charley. That was the first one and how long ago? Tomorrow morning before I head out to work I will be calling again. They'll be come when I an here to make sure they either fix it or replace it. I'm done playing games. The dishes are piling up. That Brazilian dirties more dishes in a day than the rest of us does in a week and I am not going out to buy soap to wash them by hand.

Time is quickly moving on. With only 31 days left I can hardly wait. Tomorrow is another day down with one less standing between me... and my life.

Craziness

So, then, to every man his chance -- to every man, regardless of his birth, his shining golden opportunity -- to every man his right to live, to work, to be himself, to become whatever his manhood and his vision can combine to make him -- this, seeker, is the promise of America. -Thomas Wolfe

Yesterday: I was hoping to be able to pick up a shift so I woke up at a decent hour in order to call in and check on the availability. But when I called nothing worth the while was open for the taking so I declined. Instead I did very little. I hung out in the apartment for a while. Until Jason became unbearable with his love of the game - football. He truly is crazed as is most people from Wisconsin.

So, when his games (yes multiple) started I called Luke and requested that he and I go hang out somewhere. We went to McDonald's. There we sat for hours and just talked. I've not been able to do that with someone in a long time. No bitching, no moaning, no grief. Just a nice long and relaxing talk. It felt good. Felt like I truly had a friend. A feeling that has been missing for a while now. The feelings of loneliness are setting back in but this time deeper than before. I hate that feeling especially when surrounded by people. It's rough.

After our night out I came home at a decent hour in order to get to bed at a decent time since I had to be at work at 7 am. I came home and got all settled in when John and Reggie (the new Brazilian) came home. Lets talk about how inconsiderate people can be. They were so loud and obnoxious for hours. I needed to be up at 5 am and here they are at 1 am being assholes with several other Brazilians in the apartment. They quiet down enough for me to pass out. At 4 am I awake to sound of them being in my bedroom. What the hell!?! Dustin was not a happy camper. I had to use the bathroom but when I tried the door it was locked. So I had to exit the bedroom and walk around thru the living room and into the hallway to enter my bathroom. That really irritated me. On my way through I gave the "I hope you all dies in your sleep tonight" glare. Immediately following they all went to bed. Too late now, though, because I already only got 3 hours of sleep at the most and I was working a long day.

Today: After being rudely awaken by the barbarians in my living quarters was awake for the morning. I grabbed my shower and prepared to head off to work. I caught the 6 am bus and was off to EPCOT. I tried to sleep on the bus but it didn't work out so well. I just wasn't comfortable. After arriving at EPCOT I ran in and got a costume and got dressed. I then took some time to myself to eat a muffin and drink some orange juice before heading over to the custodial office.

I was given the detail of helping clean out the drains until the 830 pre-shift meeting. At the meeting I was assigned to Future World floater. A floater for the entire Future World. Not a huge deal because I'm not really required to do anything unless someone isn't doing their job. It's kind of like a quality control person. So it was a low responsibility day. I only took my authorized breaks and the day still went very quickly. I like working in the mornings for that very reason. I had a good day in custodial even though Bob thought I would be angry. I'm done being upset over the pettiness that exists within the office. I'm over that just a little more than I am over this program.

Between the pettiness and fickleness of the cast members and the rudeness and stupidity of the guests, I'm overwhelmed. A guest flipped out on me today over the park maps. Because they didn't give ecyclopedic descriptions and definitions for each attraction and demanded 'I fix map'. It's enough to make a person insane. A few of the very reasons Josh self-termed (even with being only 35 days from the end) and the reasons another Ranger is considering self-terminating, with only 32 days left to go.

After my custodial shift I went into the office in hopes of extending somewhere but the only thing open was a kitchen shift and I have never worked a kitchen shift (cause I'm always custodial/bussing) and I didn't feel comfortable picking up extra hours in a place I was unsure of so I declined. I then stripped the office of the November decorations while waiting for Jennifer to get off work. I was wanting ask her something. Then I waited for Natalia to get off work. While waiting I retyped the note one the door asking people to sign up for a secret Santa. Who knows if people will actually do it. We'll see.

I came home and messed around online a little before remembering that had called in a work order for the dishwasher. I checked and sure enough it is still broken. I called them and had a nice little chat with them about how Omar (the repair man) is an idiot. This is the second time within a month that I had called about this problem with the dishwasher and both times they had to resend someone out to fix it. The order says he was here for 20 minutes - there is no way. It took me 30 seconds (after turning it on) to know he didn't fix it. So tomorrow they're supposed to replace it instead of fixing it.

I then contacted Casey to see if he wanted ot hang out this evening. He, of course, said yes. We went out to eat and then headed down to Downtown Disney to see a movie. We went to see Alexander. What an interesting movie. Definitely not what you hear about it or what you think it would be. You need to throw everything you've heard about it and thought about it out the window. I don't think it'll win best picture but it was a good movie for a 3 hour epic acted-out biography on the man - the legend.

After the movie I came home and discovered that the Brazilians had messed with the laptop. Closed all my programs I had running and downloaded crap onto it. Well I deleted it all and am thinking of locking the computer when I leave. This new living arrangement is not going to work out. I don't see how I'm going to put up with this for 32 more days. The insanity that goes on in this apartment is remarkable.

To bed I go to lessen the amount of time here.